My supervisor asked me what love is yesterday. Stunned, I felt a lot but as for an answer actually being formulated into speech, I had nothing to give her. As I was showering last night, I kept trying to reflect on all the love I’ve given and all the love I’ve received.
I thought about the random text reminders my brother gives me to let me know if there is extreme weather the next day. He knows I have a habit of going to Alan’s to stay overnight and hardly ever bring clothes for any dramatic change in weather. I thought about all the sacrifices my parents took to provide for my brother and me. Mary Ellen and waking up at 5am her time to wake me up for work if I haven’t been getting sleep. The laundry I do for Alan. The tickets to the Killers he got me for Christmas even though he really doesn’t like them. The calls I make to Mary Ellen sobbing because she’s the only one I really feel comfortable experiencing my ugly cry. How usually she just listens. The ice cream I shared with Kim while reflecting on our goals. The fights I have with Mary Ellen and how as they happen, I’m secretly enjoying the fact that I know that she knows that we both know, this is all going to pass and we’ll come out laughing – eventually.
I remember the tears that instantly came when I found out my dad got sick and was too worried that I’d be worried to tell me. I thought about hugs and kisses and hand holding. How sometimes just the presence of someone serves as comfort and sense of security. How I want my family and friends to be happy and successful. How I hurt when they hurt and that uneasy feeling of helplessness when they hurt REALLY badly and I’m at a lost of what to do to help. I think of Dave leaving me singing voice mails and calling me pookie when I’m down. I think of random letters in the mail box, dates (both platonic and romantic) and flowers (mostly platonic).
I thought about unrequited love and how it really does, like Charlie Brown says, take the taste out of peanut butter. I thought about falling out with a few friends and being lucky enough to salvage back a friendship. I thought about how I’ve only verbally shared my love with 2 of my 4 boyfriends. How one of them said it and never heard it back.
I thought about everything I could remember about my modest experience with love and here’s what I got on it.
Love is courtesy, respect, commitment, protectiveness, sacrifice, gift-giving, supporting, cheer leading, commiserating, gratitude, appreciation. Love can be joyful, sad, heartbreaking, interdependent, safe, scary, risky. Love is choosing to be there, after all the initial chemistry fades. Love is loyal, kind, trustworthy. Love expects the best and inspires action. Love is keeping your word and following through. Love is seeking forgiveness and forgiving. Love is valuing one another and understanding our time is limited, so let’s take care of each other.
Love is a lot of things and if I were to sum it up, I’ll just say love makes living worthwhile. Perhaps this is why we’re willing to risk a lot and hurt for the sake of it.
Edit:
me: I mentioned you in a blog about love.
dave: Oh. I don’t know much about it.
me: You know a lot about it! You have love out the butt
dave: haha that’s a first… maybe i should start the morning each day w/ that phrase. “i have to love out the butt today”
me: LOL no. You HAVE love out the butt. You can’t LOVE out the butt. That just sounds like anal….
dave: yes yes, my bad
