Linda | 
02 8th, 2010| 
In the spirit of relationships and Valetine’s day on the horizon, I thought I’d repost this blog entry I originally posted in June of 2007. I discussed why men should pay attention if their ladies suddenly seem to have dropped issues they were having with their relationships.
Last weekend I had dinner with 2 boys and a girl. We girls forced the boys into girly-slumber-party-like questions and conversation. We called it game of “Truth or Truth.” Poor boys. We asked them fun questions from last time they cried to weirdest place they had sex. The juvenile game soon morphed into a conversation about gender differences. One guy wondered why females have a tendency to go into this silent psychological warfare where they are grading their significant other silently, going through a “check list.” He likened it to a ticking bomb.
“Tick tick tick.. and all of a sudden they go off and do something drastic, like break up or start a blow out fight.”
The other girl and I nodded knowingly. We’ve done this ‘ticking bomb’ thing. We’re both sticking to our guns that the “ticking bomb” is a fantastic last resort. Often times we find ourselves voicing what we want over and over again. It’s not fun. It could be as small as “You don’t ever ask me how my day is” to something bigger such as, “I’m not going to wait for you to get your shit together another year, it’s already been 6 years.” Eventually, the asker gets tired of hearing her (or his) own voice so she (or he) stops asking.
Cue “Ticking Bomb” phase.
This is the point where they’re deciding on whether to fold and walk away with least amount of damage to themselves. I like calling it the silent tally. Silently counting how many times the party in question is falling short. No more reminders. No more gentle coaxing. No more arguments. So my hint to mainly the men out there. If your significant other has been nagging you about something for a long while and all of a sudden, she’s quiet. Contrary to what my male friend thought it was (“I thought she changed her wants”), you’re probably being silently monitored and about to approach a tipping point in the relationship. :) Beware of silence.
Why I will stand by it? People generally don’t change. Unless the pain of their not changing exceeds the pain of changing.. right? Why fix something that ain’t broke? So if someone doesn’t embody something you think you need in a relationship, the “ticking bomb” helps illustrates the futility of waiting for someone to change… Count the tally marks then fold and walk away with what you have.
Texas native. Living and working in Austin, TX. Twenty something. In hot pursuit of good food, adventure, and laughter. Dreams of owning her own place with a big giant library.
February 8th, 2010 at 8:43 am
EXCELLENT entry, and one that is completely true!
As a girl, and as someone who got out of a four year relationship 8 months ago, I can totally speak from experience.
Men, watch out. ;)
ps – Have a great week Linda!
February 8th, 2010 at 8:45 am
TRUTH. take note, boys. this is privileged information.
February 8th, 2010 at 9:08 am
hello girls.
jessilyn, i didn’t know you’re experiencing a fresh break up. i hope you’re having fun adjusting :) email me if you ever need an ear.
kim,
now if only we can circulate memos effectively to men….
have a great week, loves!
February 8th, 2010 at 10:21 am
See, what you have to remember is this…
Guys are dumb.
Really, we are. Subtlety is not our strong suit, the vast majority of us are stubborn, and while we want to make you happy, some of us will occasionally stretch the limits to see how far they’ll go before they break.
I’ve been on the opposing end of the TTB once in my life, and didn’t realize it until she had already cheated on me for a few months and we were long separated.
But never forget… we are not mind readers. Even Dr. McDreamy doesn’t have ESP. If you don’t think a guy is listening to you, it’s probably something that got lost in translation. Read that last sentence again, please. And again. Now remember it. Most guys aren’t out there to hurt you or to be a jerk to you or whatnot… if you’re with one of those, do us “good guys” a favor and dump his ass so we can have a chance. :-P
February 8th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Hey Nic, thanks for stopping by and joining conversation.
I’ve learned guys are not mind readers but with that lesson comes with another lesson. Just because you communicate your needs does not mean you’ll be taken seriously. what do we do when our voices get tired and we start feeling like a nag/bad guy? i don’t see what else to do :p
i hope you find a good girl soon :p i enjoyed your last blog post!
- linda
February 8th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
My advice, Linda would be by way of Jay-Z, to get “on on to the next one.” If they (guys or gals) won’t get with the program, on things that matter (not little “quirks”), than drop’em.
February 8th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
AJ,
i like the simplicity of your advice. saves a lot of time…. and mulling….
February 9th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
*takes notes*
I’ve been on the receiving side of this before but didn’t recognize the danger. Thanks Linda!
February 9th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Martin,
you take a lot of notes :)
- linda
February 9th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Its because you give a lot of valuable advice ;)
February 12th, 2010 at 12:52 am
Haha, damn, this is SO TRUE. It’s almost funny how common this really is. I wonder if guys do anything like that…
By the way, I really like that Jayz song. Esp in the music video.
February 12th, 2010 at 10:01 am
hey jess!
i’m not sure. i don’t really understand dudes.
which jay z song?
- linda
February 12th, 2010 at 11:18 am
“on to the next one” that AJ referred to!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM1RChZk1EU