Curious Notions

In the spirit of relationships and Valetine’s day on the horizon, I thought I’d repost this blog entry I originally posted in June of 2007. I discussed why men should pay attention if their ladies suddenly seem to have dropped issues they were having with their relationships.

Last weekend I had dinner with 2 boys and a girl. We girls forced the boys into girly-slumber-party-like questions and conversation. We called it game of “Truth or Truth.” Poor boys. We asked them fun questions from last time they cried to weirdest place they had sex. The juvenile game soon morphed into a conversation about gender differences. One guy wondered why females have a tendency to go into this silent psychological warfare where they are grading their significant other silently, going through a “check list.” He likened it to a ticking bomb.

“Tick tick tick.. and all of a sudden they go off and do something drastic, like break up or start a blow out fight.”

The other girl and I nodded knowingly. We’ve done this ‘ticking bomb’ thing. We’re both sticking to our guns that the “ticking bomb” is a fantastic last resort. Often times we find ourselves voicing what we want over and over again. It’s not fun. It could be as small as “You don’t ever ask me how my day is” to something bigger such as, “I’m not going to wait for you to get your shit together another year, it’s already been 6 years.” Eventually, the asker gets tired of hearing her (or his) own voice so she (or he) stops asking.

Cue “Ticking Bomb” phase.

This is the point where they’re deciding on whether to fold and walk away with least amount of damage to themselves. I like calling it the silent tally. Silently counting how many times the party in question is falling short. No more reminders. No more gentle coaxing. No more arguments. So my hint to mainly the men out there. If your significant other has been nagging you about something for a long while and all of a sudden, she’s quiet. Contrary to what my male friend thought it was (“I thought she changed her wants”), you’re probably being silently monitored and about to approach a tipping point in the relationship. :) Beware of silence.

Why I will stand by it? People generally don’t change. Unless the pain of their not changing exceeds the pain of changing.. right? Why fix something that ain’t broke? So if someone doesn’t embody something you think you need in a relationship, the “ticking bomb” helps illustrates the futility of waiting for someone to change… Count the tally marks then fold and walk away with what you have.

I’ve been blue and I’m guessing this will be my general status quo for a while. I’m very much a type 7 kind of person so I don’t do very well sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself. I’m the kind of person who when faced with bad moods and heartache, I do my best to battle it with good times and reflecting on blessings. I cackle extra hard at mediocre jokes and I seek adventure. I’ve jumped out of planes and shot guns and traveled all in the spirit of avoiding pain. I’m pretty open to new experiences, but especially so when faced with adversity.

Although this is how I am, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy. I think we have to let ourselves mourn and feel what we feel now so that it’ll eventually run empty. It doesn’t mean I have to like it when my melancholy catches up to me and holds me in a lingering embrace. Actually it felt more like an unwelcomed, crushing bear hug. And that’s exactly what it did yesterday. The afterglow of my weekend in Houston wore off and I just felt extremely sad. All day. Most of the night. I’m a pretty rational person and I know bad times (and obviously good times) will pass. It’s just that I’m fucking impatient.

In the spirit of being more healthy about my coping with pain, I sat yesterday and bore the depression during work hours. Then, true to form I tried to use it as a trigger to propel me away. I completed tasks I was avoiding because I figured, hell, I’m having a bad day anyway, let’s just get this all out of the way. I cried my way through it and eventually made it to bed.

Here I am this morning. Ready to face it again. Tonight I’m meeting up an old/new group of friends and cooking something. Don’t know what yet. You know, to distract myself.

To nurse that afterglow I mentioned, I’m going to post random fun pictures from my weekend in Houston. (I have a progressive meal series to work on posting as well).

This picture makes me laugh out loud. I accidentally grabbed his butt right at the very second the picture was snapped. I thought it was his back! I did this to Jessica earlier that same day too. Oi.

I’ve always celebrated Valentine’s day as long as I can remember. It is my absolute favorite holiday. It didn’t matter if I didn’t have a boyfriend or if I was dating someone who cared enough to acknowledge it with me (I lived and learned!). Anyway, in 2007 as a single girl, I spent the day at a Single’s Mingle with my roommate at the time and my current roommate Brandi. After, I went home and baked Valentine’s cookies! The thing is, it ended up being a Vday misadventure. Read further to see. As taken from my xanga on February 14, 2007.

After my Roomie, Brandi and I mingled at a single’s mingle tonight (very fun by the way), we decided to end Valentine on a sweet and cute note by making those ready-to-bake sugar cookies. They were so so cute in the package I decided to take a picture of it. Still in it’s wax-paper package.

I lined the cookie sheet with wax paper instead of cookie paper. Roomie walked by and paused. “Linda, you sure wax paper is okay to bake?” I thought to myself a little. “Hmm. You’re right. Wax melts. Not good.”

Roomie read the box.. and here’s another phone camera picture. In case you can’t read it since it is poor quality, says “good for lining pans for baking.” or some shit like that.

5 minutes of the 8, things got a bit smoky in our apartment. Wax paper BAD idea. I acted without thinking and just pulled the wax paper out from under the undercooked cookies.

:( broken hearts.

We tried to fix them…

We couldn’t stop laughing…

We put the best looking ones on top.

This post still makes me giggle. This year, I’ve decided to relive this memory. I bought TWO packages of these same very cookies. You know, to account for any possible missteps.

I didn’t get my birthday wish but I did have a nice dinner with some friends at a new place I’ve been meaning to try. The only person who had Torchy’s Tacos was Jen and she’s never had it at the Trailer Park & Eatery. Happily, it was a new experience for everyone involved.

Si Nae and Stephen brought their two new puppies.

So at the Trailer Park & Eatery there’s Torchy’s Tacos and another trailer I didn’t try out yet called Treat, a dessert eatery. This is Brandi in front of the Torchy’s window.

I ordered the popular deep fried avocado taco and the green chile pork taco. Delicious. I especially liked the green chile pork taco.

My brother ordered the “Dirty Sanchez” which instigated a few immature chuckles.

What’s in the Dirty Sanchez? Scrambled eggs with guacamole, fried poblano chili, escabeche carrots, and shredded cheese served on a flour tortilla with poblano ranch sauce.

Everyone enjoyed the tacos. Pretty damn good and I’d so come back.

Some more photos:

Brandi, the cake decorator made me that cake. Reminds me of a little girl’s birthday cake. Plus, it was chocolate. Chocolate is medicine for the soul.

I’m glad my 25th year is over. 26 is starting off shaky too but through it all I have good people and good food. That’s not too shabby.

I was going to go blog about my weekend. Brandi and I had a girls’ night in and out last night. She stayed over. I was going to show a few pictures from trying out a new donut shop with my little this morning for breakfast and then going with Sae to be part of the studio audience at the first taping of my friend, Bill’s new gaming show. On the way back, we were talking about movies and documentaries and I mentioned one of my favorites, Lars and the Real Girl. This prompted Sae to tell me about a documentary about men who have the Lars syndrome. I was really going to blog this all out/flesh it out with a few more details and some pictures but then Sae sent me the link to the short documentary he mentioned.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3710987618964917848

I spent the next 45 minutes watching the whole thing. How bizarre. I found Lars completely adorable because the storyline was outrageous but these men really do have relationships with their dolls. Creepy, yes, but also sad. Only one guy impressed me as a complete and utter pervert. But the others are just…. grossly socially inept.

Maybe I’ll try blogging again with the photos tomorrow. I lose an hour tomorrow and Brandi and I went to bed late last night.

Yesterday after I window shopped with Nisreen and picked up our altered and tailored pieces of clothing, I spent some more quality girl time with Brandy and Jessica. When I wrote a recap of 2008, I mentioned we hung out only FOUR times in 2008, the three of us. Things are looking up for us in 2009 with our 2nd hang out of the year and it looks like Brandi is NOT ONLY going to be moving back to Austin in July BUT ALSO it looks like we’ll be LIVING TOGETHER. :) I’ve been pensively looking through my facebook and phonebook considering possible female roommates to proposition when my lease ends. My means of damage control for the recession. I kept thinking about Brandi and how unfortunate it is she has a full time dog (I love dogs but I’m allergic) and that she works in Bastrop.

Lucky me, she hates living outside of Austin and turns out SHE’S allergic to Baxter as well! She asked me to live with her starting this summer in Austin. I’m extremely gleeful thinking about rooming with Brandi. We’re thinking about staying at my current complex which means all three of us will be living at the same apartment complex. 2009 is looking up for us.

We watched He’s Just Not that Into You. Brandi and I commiserated over our disastrous dating memories. Jessica is fortunate to not remember what it’s like to date since she’s been with her boy since high school. The movie’s embarrassingly cute and fluffy. I won’t lie; I cried.

Afterwards, we joined Jessica’s boyfriend and drove to Georgetown to eat at Casa Ole. Jessica apparently loves the green dip at Casa Ole. I’ve never been to Casa Ole but I remember the commercials playing in Houston.

I had an exboyfriend from a small Texan town who used to rave and rave about Casa Ole. I’ve never been myself but Brandi and Jessica, also from tiny Texan towns (they had goats and cows in their backyards!) talked about how wonderful Casa Ole is too. I guess it’s a small town thing? So we drove outside Austin to eat here. Here’s the run down: Chips and salsa are stale and alright. I ordered the stuffed avocado (that’s what I get at Trudy’s) and the tortilla soup. The service was bad. And by bad I mean, nonexistent. The Pina Colada Brandi ordered was the worst we both had. The stuffed avocado, dry and kind of bland. Probably needs a sauce. The tortilla soup was eh. I’m happy I won’t be missing this place. It means I won’t have to drive to Georgetown. The only other pro? Prices = cheap.

Mmmm. Stale chips

Stuffed Avocado.

Selina tagged me on her blog and I’m supposed to share ten honest things about me.

Here’s my list.

Ten Honest Things about Me

1. I think home school kids are kind of weird and socially awkward. I last talked about this with Alan, his roomie, and his roomie’s girlfriend. Roomie was worried about society and all the possible negative and scary influences it could have on your child, he wanted to home school. The rest of us tried to discourage him. I used to work in a indoor playground in college, and I couldn’t help but notice the home school kids were usually socially awkward. So I have this stereotype I’m not proud of, but it’s there. Home school kids are kind of weird. I guess ‘unsocialized’ is a more diplomatic word.

2. I love Oprah. I have an inside joke with my buddies but mostly with myself that starts with “Oprah says to…” Actually, as I’m typing this I’m watching Disc 4 of the 20th Anniversary Collection of Oprah. I borrowed this from Jamie ages ago.

3. I love PostSecret.com. Love. I’ve been going for years. I remember when he didn’t erase postcards weekly and you can just flip back and back into the past entries. I have all four books. One of my favorite memories is going in February (my favorite month) a couple of years ago to Frank Warren’s book signing with Kim and Si Nae.

4. Some crushes for you. Some of these are childhood crushes so you must forgive me for odd/poor taste: Captain Planet, Ralphael the Ninja Turtle, Jim Carrey, Ted Danson a la Cheers, Tu Pac, Jamie Foxx, Fifty Cent, Brad Pitt before affair a la Meet Joe Black, and Cary Grant. ROBERT DOWNEY JR. Just to name a few.

5. I have a deep love affair with food. Deep! Love! I think it’s a little apparent through this blog. This reminds me I haven’t had dinner today.

6. I notice girls with pretty backs. Because I have a scarred, marred up back, I envy and notice girls with pretty backs. I also wistfully admire backless gowns.

7. I wish the Ally McBeal show would go on DVD for me to buy and rewatch over and over again. I’ve rewatched Sex & the City at least 8 times in its entirety but I’m sure I can easily beat that with Ally McBeal. I think this is one reason why I know I can keep Kim in my life forever. Since she loves Ally McBeal. It says something about her that I can completely relate to. (That’s just one reason of many why I love Kim.)

8. Some of my favorite bonding time with Alan involves TV shows. We each have our regular TV shows we follow but I love the shows we both equally enjoy. Briefly we had Moment of Truth. Now it’s Lost and Desperate Housewives. One of my favorite memories of him is “sharing” a pint of Bluebell’s Pistachio Almond while watching Desperate Housewives.

9. My daddy is my hero. We have a few similarities that I cherish and wear like a badge of honor. Our love for reading. We’re very prideful. We both think we’re funny even if most would disagree with our cheesy humor. We’re a little stoic. Actually, he’s a lot better at that than me. Seriously, everything that I can see passed on through me that comes from him, I cherish and keep with so much love.

10. I talk to Mary Ellen/best friend/FFB (friend from Boston) every single day. She lives in Boston. We talk for hours on average every single day. Hours. When I’m not at work and online, she leaves me voice mails and I respond when I can. I wonder how many words we’ve exchanged? Crazy amount for sure. I can retrace half my life through her. That’s amazing.

January
- Kim came up for New Years. We celebrated downtown with Alan’s couple of friends and Jon and the boys.
- Kim and I wrote on two balloons on New Year’s Day. One balloon of our regrets and things we’re letting go. The other balloon our desires for 2009. Then we ever so poetically, released them on my balcony.
-I went to San Diego for the fourth time. I made it to the zoo and stayed at the same hotel as Jon and Kate plus Eight when they went to San Diego on their way to Hawaii.
- Made Jambalaya for the first time.
-Ate a lot of food with Jon while he was visiting Texas.

At Paradise Pointe Resort in San Diego.

February
- Spent my favorite holiday with Jamie.
- Did my own taxes for the first time
- Found a new hair stylist of of Sixth Street after asking her for a kiss for Bing for his birthday.
- Sent out Valentine cards and packages.

Celebrated Bing’s birthday on Sixth Street. The night I met my hair dresser.

March
- Watched a lot of movies and cooked a lot of dinners with Alan.
- Cindy came up to visit. Introduced her finally to Flip Happy Crepes.
- I got about 3 hours of sleep a night.
- I go to San Diego for work yet again and stay at a hotel that had sex toys in their mini bar available to purchase.
- I search for a Madam Mam’s replacement. (Never found it)
- I celebrated Brandi’s birthday with Jessica. This is the 2nd time in 2008 we managed to spend some time together. We went downtown for her birthday and ate at Hula Hut.

With my girls, celebrating Brandi’s birthday. I wish this year we saw each other more. There was a time a year or two ago we saw each other once a week at least.

April
- I go to Second Chance Prom with Neville. Sweet since I didn’t have a date to my highs school prom. Well.. Liz was my date :)
- I meet my little and take her to celebrate Earth Day at Republic Square.
- I take a fabulous vacation to NYC (originally suppose to include Boston too and visit Mary Ellen but her paper got accepted into a conference). I got to see the Jennifers and Jon. Jon was my lovely host. (entry, entry, entry, entry)
- Had my first Brazilian Wax. Yikes.
- The father of two of the kids I’ve babysat since both of them were born, died.

Jon and I in NY.

May
- My brother graduates college! My parents came up to see him walk.
- Alan and I didn’t renew our lease and I started to mourn the apartment. I was in love with our location and view.
- Continue to babysit for the boys who lost their father. Started with the night of the memorial service and then the funeral.
- Selina asked me to be her bridesmaid.
- My brother turned 23. Making me feel old.

Our view.

June
- Go to funnest book signing I’ve been to with Si Nae and her boyfriend. We went to see Chuck Palahniuk promote Snuff. He threw out blow up dolls.
- I worked a lot.
- I saw a lot of movies with Alan.

Si Nae, her boy, and Chuck Palahniuk!

July
- Alan and I moved out and stopped being roommates :( But it was a good move for us :).
- Went to Florida for the first time to get Mary Ellen married. Flew in a few days early and I joined her clan in cooking, building, bitching, bonding, all in the name of love and the most beautiful wedding I’ve been to yet. It was pretty much a DIY wedding and you can see the labor of love in everything. The baby food jars around the garden sheltering tea light candles, the fireworks/crackers, the dance floor her uncles and aunts built, the cascading fruit basket one of her uncle fashioned at 3 in the morning the night before the wedding, etc. SO many details that were not only beautiful on its own, but also in the labor and thought and love that it represented.
- I take a Thursday off of work and Brandi and Jessica and I hang out for the third time this year. They treated me to a trip to Schiltterbahn for my birthday. Last year it was Sea World.
- Turned 25. Jen T who normally only comes once or twice a year happened to be in town for my birthday :). Si Nae dropped by flowers. I had a pretty birthday cake in the shape of a snow globe. I celebrated with friends. Felt special. Alan took me out to a romantic dinner and bought me a cell phone. It was a good birthday. Though I hate that I’m now 25.

Birthday celebration.

August
- Lily teaches us to make sushi.
- Alan introduces me to Mikados. I mention this because now we go here fairly often for sushi. I’ve yet to take him to Musashinos.
- Cindy comes and stays with me for almost 2 months for her pharmacy school rotation.
- I take my little to her first play. Jack and the Beanstalk.
- Nisreen and Nino get engaged and Nisreen asks me to be one of her bridesmaids.

Sushi making night

September
- I take my certification test and am now certified in clinical research.
- I go to the Domain with Nisreen to study for that test. We go just looking around for her wedding dress and we actually FIND it at St. Thomas.
- I fly to Orlando for work, wishing Alan had gone.
- I take my little to her first UT football game.
- Cindy and I try to learn about football.

So it wouldn’t just be for me why I wanted Alan in Orlando with me. Lookit the golf course!

October
- To my surprise, I’m taken by UT football. Really taken after watching OU game. I thought I had burnt out on football forever, but it’s really quite addicting.
- Alan takes me to see UT/Missouri game.
- Alan had a birthday.
- I dress up as a Hula girl for Halloween.

Kissing Meatwad.

November
- Ran my first 5k with Nisreen, Katambra, and Melissa.
- Jessica has a birthday, so the three of us (Brandi, Jessica, and I) reunite for the fourth time this year. FOUR times. That’s so sad. We go to Pete’s Dueling Pianos with plans to go to ren fest again but Brandi got struck with hives.
- I practically live at work.
- My brother breaks in his apartment by hosting a Thanksgiving meal. He makes his first turkey. Delicious!
- I take my little to the Paramount theatre for the first time. We see The Hungry Caterpillar. Then I have a mini high school reunion.
- I take Thanksgiving week off from work and spend a week in Houston.
- I see fireworks with Kim and kind of Chris.

Nisreen pours everyone a double shot of bourbon at my brother’s Thanksgiving dinner.

December
- I finish paying off my car :) One of my New Year’s Resolutions. I bought in July 2007. Not bad, if I do say so myself.
- I spend Christmas in Houston.
- On the 26th of December, Kim and I for the 2nd time release balloons for New Years. We’re stunned that this time around, we do not have any regrets to write on that regret balloon. Instead, we write what we want to stay away from. Good times with Ms. Kim.
- I get to see my best friend, Mary Ellen. Second time this year. First time being for her wedding in July.
- I go back on Saturday (today) to get some work done and to spend NYE in Austin. With friends and beau.

Our balloons. Purple = wishes. Pink = what we’ll stay away from. Since we didn’t have regrets this year.

It’s been a good year. I read 10 books, ate a lot of Pho, and laughed a lot.

I got back last night from Houston. I stayed a good 5 days! I slept a lot, ate a lot, met up with a lot of Houston friends I haven’t seen in a long time and I’m kind of sad to go back into work tomorrow. I’m sure it’s still crazy. I am happy to see the bf though.

I’m doing laundry and I was looking forward to uploading the pictures from my week in Houston only to find out I left my battery charger for my camera at home. Boo. I did take two single photos with my cell phone so I leave you with two cellular photos.

Kim, Chris and I went to Uptown Park to see the tree lighting and watch the fireworks. Poor Chris couldn’t find parking in time so he saw the fireworks from his car. Alone. Hee. Something about fireworks makes you want to hold someone’s hand, right? The best I could do was take a cell phone picture to send to Alan but apparently his phone doesn’t receive pictures. It wasn’t all in vain though, now I have a pic to blog :).

Another picture text that never made it to his phone. I hung out with Thomas my first night back and he introduced me to this sweet pug. He took a liking to me and relaxed on my lap most of the night. Look it that tongue!

So funny thing about this song. Bing shared it with me today. I shared it with Mary Ellen because I could see it as an overlap in our taste. She told me she sent me this song a bazillion years ago and I told her I didn’t like it. We searched out gmail history and sure enough.

12:27 pm on July 25,2008 she sent me an email linking that song.

1:30 pm I sent her an IM telling her “I’m not a BIG fan of that song.”

:) Oops.

Lyrics:

And it starts…
sometime around midnight
or at least that’s when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand…
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano’s this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her
for a while

But you know…
that she’s watching
She’s laughing, she’s turning
she’s holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there’s a change…
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves…
with someone you don’t know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you’ve seen a ghost

And you walk…
under the streetlights
and you’re too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she’ll break you
in two