It’s my mom’s birthday today. She expresses love dominantly through service, but more specifically, through cooking. She would ask me over and over again what I want her to cook for me weeks before my visit home. In fact, I already know she’ll have a bowl of bun rieu ready for me when I drive to Houston tonight. I remember once I thanked her for a very delicious meal and she responded, “Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved by you.” It made me laugh for a couple of reasons. First, she one-upped me! Second, I am ashamed to admit that I’ve failed in loving her so much more than she’s failed me. That’s one thing your relationships with your family and loved ones teach you, that if you love someone long enough, you’ll be on the receiving and giving ends of neglect and hurt. No doubt, I’ve been on the giving end of hurt with my mom more than she with me. And there she is thanking me for showing her what it’s like to be loved by me. In just that one line she gave me affection, giggles, and humility.
What does it feel like to be loved by her? It feels very safe. People often ask me why I haven’t moved away from Austin or Texas. I tell them easily that I want to be driving distance in case my parents need me in Houston. I say that but since moving out 13 years ago, it has always been me needing them and driving down to Houston to seek the soft landing spot and a soul-soothing bowl of noodles. She not only loves me but she’ll love the people I love without even having met them. She’ll send my roommates food and has cooked for every significant other way before even meeting them. She’ll ask about them and joke with them, and has endeared herself so much that sometimes my friends in Houston will pop by and visit her without my being in town.
So mom, thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved by you.