Lessons in Communication

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December 17: Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

Lessons in Communication

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I had a short fling with a therapist in 2010. I was having fall outs in the beginning of the year with few relationships simultaneously and was starting to wonder if in fact, it was me. If it was how I was communicating with these people or the words I was using. I felt partially justified but self-doubt was brewing and I wanted a professional evaluation. It was from my therapist that I learned sometimes humans communicate at different capacities. She assured me I was communicating just fine but it’s just not landing. Her analogy was that I could be communicating with a twenty-something’s vocabulary with someone who is operating with a three-year-old’s vocabulary. Frustrated with my personal life, I asked her, do I dumb it down to get through to them? Her response was a surprising one and it was a great lesson in 2010. You don’t dumb yourself down to get through to someone. This was a hard pill to swallow. I was of the notion that you ghetto-rig at will to make communication and relationships work.

Moreover, I found it so upsetting that I worked so hard to check myself and my ego in these interactions but they were not getting me anywhere. The relationships I talked to her about were still dangling by threads. I felt disillusioned by effective communication. She then taught me my second lesson. Good communication is a reward in itself. It doesn’t guarantee happy resolutions, but the ability to voice your feelings in an effective manner without invalidating others is fulfilling in itself.

In the end, after a few more attempts at resolution, I ended up letting go of two relationships and keeping one. I’m still saddened at the loss but am much more at peace in my life and therefore happier. I found that by not diluting myself to get through to others, I’ve cemented my self-worth.

Question: What have you learned about yourself in 2010?