Curious Notions

Drawn without training, a no 2. pencil and Crayola colored penciles.

I’d like to formally explore drawing “rules” and techniques one day. You can tell I’m very untrained. Proportions are off. Look at her boots. Sigh, so many things to explore in this life and not enough time.

My dad drew. I remember as a child, I snooped through his letters and paperwork, wishing I knew how to read Vietnamese. I wanted to read the letters he used to write to my maternal grandfather. I liked the stationary and running my fingers over the ridges of imprinted words. (I also like running my fingers over the ridges of completed jigsaw puzzles.) While snooping one day, I found some drawings he drew while in a reeducation camp in Vietnam. They were drawn on pieces of cardboard and they were BEAUTIFUL. I think that’s painfully romantic. Drawing pictures of your wife while imprisioned. I can imagine him admiring his drawings with deep longing every night before bed. I should write myself a reminder to ask him if he’s tucked these drawings anywhere…

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Before I head home to Houston, I’m going to squeeze in a third Gratitude list.

If you missed the first two here they are:

- 10 Things I’m Currently Thankful for
- 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

1. A full time job! As I mentioned once or twice before, I landed a job and will be working at my Alma Mater. I start next Tuesday.
   

   I went to the lab to talk about the job offer last week and as I was hanging out I saw one of my old professors. It’s kind of a funny thing to see professors after you graduate and be inundated with academic memories. Some not so good ones! I had to suppress an urge to shrink away. Anyway, I digress. I gots a full time gig after not having a full time gig since June.

2. Reunions over Thanksgiving! I have a handful of friends I haven’t seen in months and I get to see some of them in Houston this weekend for Thanksgiving. Although, it’s going to be challenging to time budget between friends and family in just 3 days, I think it’s not too shabby of a problem to have.
3. My car.
   
   My first baby.
   
   My baby Civic

   I bought my car summer of 2007 after getting in a car accident. Ever try to imagine your life without your car? I wouldn’t be able to get to work (my current part time position is 45 minutes away by car.) I wouldn’t be able to drive to Houston to visit. No fun trips to restaurants, etc. Austin isn’t a pedestrian city. My car makes it possible for me to play, work, and explore. Yay car!

   I’m also grateful I didn’t play around and paid off my 5 year car loan in 1.5 years. This made the last 5 months of unemployment easier without having an extra 200 dollars a month to expense for a car payment.

4. My Washer/Dryer. I remember the days of hauling my laundry to the laundromat and setting aside hours at a time to get laundry done. I’ve filled up COUNTLESS journal pages people watching as I think it’s extra interesting to see what people wash. Heehee. I haven’t had to use a laundromat for years now. I had a roommate 2007 with a washer/dryer. In 2008, Miss Jamie let Alan and I borrow her washer and dryer and we helped her “store” it. When I moved to my own place last year, I thought I’d forgo fun purchases and spend almost a thousand on a set. It was money well spent. There’s freedom in owning your own washer dryer.
5. Trip to San Fran and Boston! I’m incredibly lucky to be able to travel a little bit this year considering my stint with unemployment.
   

   I took a trip to San Fran with Alan right before putting in my notice at my previous full time position. It was kind of a celebration of a new beginning for me and was also the first trip Alan and I took together. San Fran is one of my favorite cities now. I was also extremely blessed to have such a loving BFF/FFB who gifted me her flight miles to go see her in Boston. I hadn’t seen her in Boston for a few years and it was good timing for us. I can’t wait to go back to see her new house! :)

   I’m always thankful for any kind of travel I’m able to swing.

6. Those who read what I write. I’m thankful for my regular readers (mostly friends and boyfriend). I’m thankful for the comments you take the time to write and just over all taking the time to read my humble little blog. I’m thankful for the mentions you make when we chat, for the followers, and the subscribers. I’m thankful for you!
7. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. I’m thankful for great memories and hard lessons from my past. I’m thankful for the photos and the journals that help me not to forget.
   

   I’m thankful for today and being alive. I’m thankful for the possibilities that lie in the future and my capacity to dream and plan.

8. Friends.
   

   It would take me all day to name them all by name but I’m thankful for them all. I come from a small isolated family. We hardly have any extended family. My friends are my extended family. They want the best for me and are my cheerleaders in life. I’m forever thankful.

9. Living in Austin. Did you know this year we hold the accolade of least stressful city in the US? I love living in Austin. I love how pretty it is with the lakes and hills. I love the events hosted by us. I love our downtown area. It’s a wonderful, fun, smart, and young city.
10. Books
    

    I cannot wait to own my own place and have my library set up! Books and bookstores are foolproof sources of comfort for me. I grew up around a lot of books so they conjure up a feeling of youthful awe. I also grew up seeing my dad with a book EVERY NIGHT, and every moment he had free and anything that reminds me of my dad also releases a lot of dopamine in my noggin. All the positive memory associations aside, books nourish me. They’ve molded my philosophies in life, provided understanding, clarity, education, inspiration… the list goes on. I love books. I’m thankful I’m in a country that limits censorship and that my parents raise me to value and appreciate the written word.

• I’ve been pulling a lot of 10 hour work days and then lugging binders home to work on. At least I’m no longer averaging three hours of sleep.
• Today is my daddy’s birthday. I wanna go back to Viet Nam with him one day. That’s my birthday wish for us. I’ve never been to Viet Nam with my dad.
• I think I’m burning out on Thai food. I had it over the weekend with Cindy and Kim in Houston and again last night with Will. The company though makes it all worth it. I also have a cooking date with Kate this Sunday and she wants to try this Thai recipe she got from a cooking class. I also haven’t scheduled a cooking date with Dave, our next theme is vegetarian pad thai.
• I’m going to NYC next week to visit the city for the third time, see Jon, and see the Jennifers. I’m looking forward to the obvious break from my work routine and spending time with some friends I only get to see once or twice a year now that they’ve grown up and moved away. I also have intermittently felt a little out of place and sorts for a few weeks now where I don’t feel so grounded. It happens every now and again for me and I don’t find it alarming.. I just start craving the old familiar. Old stuffed animals I have only in Houston. Mom and dad. Friends I only get to see once or twice a year. A city I haven’t visited in 2 full years. Not unlike a blanket and good book on a crisp breezy day reading on the balcony.
• My original Big Brother/Big Sister of America little sister match fell through a month or two ago. BBBS called me yesterday letting me know they found me another match. I called them back yesterday and left a message but forgot to call back today. I can’t wait to hear more about her and hopefully this one will follow all the way through.

Yesterday, I had Thai Kitchen with Will. The last time I had Thai Kitchen was at least a couple of years ago and every time I’ve gone was with Will. He swore by Thai Kitchen back in the day when I swore by Madam Mams. Since I’m still broken up from Madam Mams, thought I’d give Thai Kitchen another chance for old time’s sake when Will was in town this weekend. I decided after my cooking dates with Kate and then Dave, I think I’m taking a big break from Thai. I enjoyed the Tom Yum. The Kee Mao was too sweet.

The fun times happened when we parted ways in the parking lot. It was after we hugged good bye and I got in my car that I noticed I’m boxed in. One car on both sides of me and then 2 feet behind me is another car parked perpendicular to me. I was boxed in! I backed up the two available feet and at a lost, reached for my phone hoping Will hadn’t gone too far. Will’s a gem and was already walking towards me.

“I couldn’t help but notice the confused car body language of yours.”

What ensued was 30 minutes of Austin Powers manipulating. Will did most of the manipulating. I stupidly placed my hand in between my car and one of the other three when he crushed it. I’ll admit I’m glad my hand is okay and that it saved my new car from being scratched. Eventually we had no where to go, literally maybe ONE itch both sides. Tickled, I took pictures.

Here’s my front.

Here’s my back.

We trapped ourselves inside a nook of parking space. I actually had to climb over the cars to get through.

Found the owner and all was well soon after. Ah :) Misadventures.

Well I have things to tend to. Good night.

Supervisor sent this to me in an email. It’s a bit cheesy but read it anyway. I bolded what I’m going to try to take away from it as a reminder on how I want to live.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it… When in the
midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks,
and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a
child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and
through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through
new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something
to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping
over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and
you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always
fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any
guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you; and in the
process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are …
and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in
the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did
to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you
can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what
they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and
that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own,
and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety
and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers … and you begin to accept
people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human
frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is
born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world
around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have
been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all that you’ve been fed about how you
should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh;
what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should
drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a
living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you
should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising
children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.

You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really
stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to
discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never
have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go
with your instincts.

You learn that it’s truly in giving that we receive, that there’s
power and glory in creating and contributing; you stop maneuvering
through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the
outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together
the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save
the world … and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the
importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry,
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.

Romantic love and familial love.

How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when
to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more
lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that
bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you
would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with
love…you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your
terms … just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will
never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete
with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK….that it’s
your right to want things and to ask for the things that you
want…and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won’t settle for less. You
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with
their touch … and in the process you internalize the meaning of
self-respect.

You learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care
for it and treat it with respect.

You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more
time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and
fear, so you take more time to rest.

You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe
you deserve … and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and
that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward
making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to
risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber
baron of all time. FEAR itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know
that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to
give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under
a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you
think you deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to
unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to
personalize things.

You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your
prayers. It’s just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state — the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment
must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out
of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead
of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple
things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the
earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water,
a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself;
and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to
never, ever, settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the
wind. [CHEESY?]

You make it a point to keep smiling, to trust, and to stay open to
every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you
take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the
life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

So minutes before I got this email I also read a 5 page “love” letter from my dad. In five pages he was giving me advice he really wanted me to take to heart. Basically, stop investing so much into other people. For most of my life I over extend myself to the point of exhaustion and a big part of his letter was begging me to take more time to myself. To not worry about people who might not be there for me when I need them. To put myself first. In the letter he said “those moments you spend reading a great novel or trying out a new recipe” are the moments that will last forever. The things you do for yourself. It’s uncanny that in an hour’s time I had two doses of advice telling me to put myself first.

I love the analogy he used. He called life a building.. and that my top floor is expanding and my foundation is eroding when I overextend myself in my work life ad my social life and not take enough time to enforce my foundation with me time. I also liked how he closed his 5 page letter…

“I love you.
Okay.
- Daddy.”

I went home for my dad’s birthday this weekend.

Sad that he’s 63.

He imagines himself to be cocky if the digits were switched.

So there was a purse that was 200 dollars I really really wanted. I told myself to buy it if it ever gets to 150 dollars. Well it’s now at 140… I was talked out by Mary Ellen.. I still haven’t paid for the bedroom set yet and I did want to go to Tiffany’s. I suddenly feel better about it after I realized that for about 160 or so, I got my dad a lot of birthday presents :) Well worth skipping out on ONE purse. I don’t think he’s ever opened this many gifts at once ever. My daddy never buys anything for himself… So I figured I’d do it for him. I got him a lot of mundane gifts (undershirts, socks, work shirts) but I tried to spice them up by the packaging. I also threw in the usual Johnny Walker and some DVDs. I spent all day today finishing up. Going home for the weekend and I have Joy Luck Club tomorrow, so tonight was the night.

I’m about to back track a little. At work, our bosses are so sweet and funny that we often get gifts from clients. They usually come in the form of glorious desserts and fruit bouquets. Which means every time I walk by the break room, I always peek in to see if there would be any goodies on the table. Today there was a tower of stacked boxes. Striped, green, orange, blue, white boxes, stacked by incrementing sizes and inside delicious deserts. I thought, well I have a LOT of small gifts for my dad I should steal them to wrap some of the presents.. I stole three. This is where I got the color scheme and things just sort of fell into place.. at Walmart’s giftwrap aisle. My roomie also had a little bit of yellow wrapping paper and A LOT of yellow ribbon.. That helped. And of course the Victoria Secret’s tissue paper.

Behold!

Isn’t it great? It took me ALL night.