Tag: daddy

Being First

October 18th, 2011 · · pursuit of happiness 25 comments - Tags: ,

My dad likes to teach me stuff. There are a few lessons that he has persistently instilled in me and hasn’t stopped. I’m starting to realize that he only repeats the lessons if he sees that I’m not learning them. Two lessons that come to mind are, “put your keys in just one place at home,” and “take care of yourself first.”

The “taking care of yourself first” lesson fell on deaf ear most of the time. It was just something dads tell their daughters. Also, he didn’t really lead by example. Both my dad and mom have always put themselves second or third. In recent years, it has started to click. Even if I wanted others to come before me, the best way to serve them is to make sure I’m at a good place myself. It’s airplane safety rules! You put on your oxygen mask before you assist others.

In previous years, my dad would tell me I need to take care of myself foremost because everybody else is taking care of themselves first. (As they should!) Which means, if I don’t make myself my first priority, I’ll never be first.

It’s starting to sink in, dad.

Our current bit:

Dad:
Who do you take care of first?

Me:
Me.

Dad:
Who do you take care of second?

Me:
You.

Dad:
Third?

Me:
Mom.

Dad:
And?

Me:
Don’t tell mom.

P.S. I’m working on putting my keys on only the kitchen counter.

25 Life Lessons From Dad

June 20th, 2011 · · lists, love, pursuit of happiness, Stars of my Life 28 comments - Tags: ,

I celebrated Father’s Day by having dim sum with my dad yesterday morning. I thought I’d pay public tribute to him with this list of 25 life lessons he has taught me.

  1. If you don’t know something, don’t be shy to ask questions.

  2. You’re extremely lucky if you have one true friend to last you through life.

  3. Nothing lasts. Spouses will die.

  4. Don’t cry about people who don’t cry about you.

  5. People are not their jobs.

  6. There’s a lot to learn. Don’t be smug.

  7. Don’t fixate on the things that are out of your control.

  8. Books are friends.

  9. The human spirit is resilient, capable of withstanding war and loss.

  10. Persistence solves problems.

  11. Improvising solves problems.

  12. When you lose everything, start over.

  13. When you fail, start over.

  14. Pay your credit card bill in full every month.

  15. Don’t rush. Walk at a leisurely pace. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s.

  16. Sometimes we forget to breathe. Breathe.

  17. Don’t take for granted your mother’s love. Endure the nagging. It’s evidence of motherly love. (He grew up without a mom.)

  18. Protect your family.

  19. People’s perception of you doesn’t change who you are.

  20. Not everyone will feel and think the same way as you. Remember this when you’re angry or hurt.

  21. Marvel at small things.

  22. A good education should be prioritized over having your own room, having a nice car, going on nice vacations, having awesome toys, having a nice house, and many other things.

  23. Things can always be a lot worse. Be grateful for what you have.

  24. Be fearless. (He’s pushed for me to be fearless numerously in regards to bugs and snakes and toxic relationships.)

  25. Take care of and pride in what you have.

Happy Father’s Day to all the loving fathers and father figures out there!

VEDA – Sad Story About My Parents in Vietnam

April 7th, 2011 · · love, memory, VEDA, videos 10 comments - Tags: ,

Originally, this VEDA entry was suppose to be a 1 to 3 ratio of sad story to funny stories. Unfortunately, I underestimated how long the sad story would take me to tell so I’ll have to lace in more happy entries for VEDA in the future. Tonight, I vlogged about my mom’s first birthday as my dad’s wife.


Youtube Link

VEDA – Romance Between Mom and Dad

April 4th, 2011 · · VEDA, videos 15 comments - Tags: ,
I’m vlogging everyday in April (#VEDA). Today’s submission is inspired by a conversation I witnessed between my parents last weekend. No lie, I felt a little nutty recording this.


Youtube Link

For those of you who cannot see the video, here’s the transcription of their conversation:

Dad:
I love you. I’m going to find you in our next life.

Mom:
Psh, I’m going to be a bird. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be a bird.

Dad:
Fine. I will find you, cage you, and clip your wings.


Question: What was the last funny conversation you overheard?

“He’s going to die!”

March 28th, 2011 · · memory, misadventures, pursuit of happiness 18 comments - Tags: ,

I was 22 years old and had just gotten my heart broken by my first boyfriend of four years. My parents had taken to blowing up my phone because I was MIA for three days. I usually talked to them everyday but couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. My dad left a voice mail threatening to come up to Austin if I didn’t call him back. Not wanting to deal with hovering parents while I grieved, I reluctantly called them back.

Dad:
Baby?

Me:
(In between cries and hiccups) Hi. Daddy. We. Broke. Up.

Dad:
Is he crying right now?

Me:
No.

Dad:
Is he crying to his daddy?

Me:
No.

Dad:
Don’t you cry to your daddy.

Me:
Fine but you called me first!

That was our conversation in totality. Note how he didn’t even ask the whys and whens of the split. He didn’t need to know. It was enough that we were over. It was enough that I was crying and my ex was not.

The next day he called to apologize. He told me he was sorry to be so rough with me the day before but he just wanted me to see this break-up as practice. I remember being so perplexed on what he could possibly mean by “practice.”

“You know, when you meet that someone who is perfect for you and get married and have kids and live your life, what do you think will happen?”

I remember being afraid to let him finish this thought but I braced for it anyway.

“He’s going to die!”

My dad had tried to make me feel better about my first break-up by likening it to practice for when my future spouse dies. It’s so awful that the memory of this still makes me laugh 5 years later and this story still gets requested by my friends at gatherings.

Brutality aside, I think I get what he was trying to tell me. We are on borrowed time. Nothing and no one is really ours. Everything and everyone gets given back. A break-up is just one way things get taken from us and at the time, my break-up was just a small introduction to the greater losses life will bring me. No wonder I’m so scared of losing my loved ones. I can’t imagine how unbearable the pain will be when the losses become bigger.

Find Your Ants

September 30th, 2010 · · memory, pursuit of happiness 15 comments - Tags:

Photo Credit

I was eating my lunch yesterday at work when a colleague asked me why I was eating inside when I could be enjoying the change of weather outside. It was a warm 84 degrees which is 20 degrees cooler than what we’ve been used to in Austin, Texas. Since I thought she had something going, I went outside, found a bench and called my dad for lunch time conversation as I ate. As I chewed the fat with my dad, I found out he was sipping on a beer while at work. He’s a store owner in Houston. I laughed at him and reminded him it was a work day and it was noon, why is he drinking on the job? He casually explained that it was a concealed cup; he doesn’t stand close enough to his customers for them to smell it. He told me that it’s important to take what small joys he can when he can.

I gave him that. He is a hard worker. Sipping on a beer is the least that he deserves.

So this got him to tell me a short story. A story he’s told me once before. I interrupted him to tell him the ending of the story I already know. If I had just let him finish the story, I would have seen that he was focusing on another matter entirely.

The story: He was just released from a reeducation camp in Vietnam after being imprisoned a harrowing 2-3 years. He had a friend who was conspiring to escape Vietnam (as most South Vietnamese people were during the time). His friend drew attention from the Viet Cong so they detained my dad’s friend and then for good measure they detained my dad for questioning as well. This is where I interrupted my dad’s story and told him I know how it ends. That he was worried that his story wouldn’t match up with his friend’s and he was terrified of going back to the camp. In the end, his friend was detained and he was released. My dad confirmed that that’s how the story unfolded but he wanted to tell me about when he was actually in the cell, awaiting his verdict. He was so distraught and devastated by the idea of leaving my mom again after already being separated for more than 2 years. The idea of leaving my mom again after already being separated for more than 2 years was overwhelming him when he found some ants. Marching, hauling tiny specks of food, and their antennas wiggling. He marveled at their tiny beauty and really observed them. He focused on the grace of their small existence and it took his mind away from the cell and the prospect of his return to the reeducation camp.

He tied up his short story with a neat moral. “Find your ants, baby. We all need to find our ants.”

On this day, for him, the ants manifested as a beer, sipped in secret from his wife and customers. For me it was enjoying the weather on a park bench and listening to my dad talk.


Question: What are your ants today?

7 Quick Takes (1)

February 19th, 2010 · · 7 Quick Takes (Fridays), creative play, in passing, lists, on the nightstand, pursuit of happiness, the grind 6 comments - Tags: , , , , , ,

  1. A plane crashed into an IRS building here in Austin yesterday morning, killing two people. I just read the pilot’s 6 paged suicide note. I’m really sad for the innocent man who showed up for work and never came home because some sad twisted man could not take rein of his life and own responsibility for his unhappiness.
  2. Yesterday, during my lunch and on my own, I went to the Blanton Museum to see their exhibit on desire, aptly named On Desire.

    No photos were allowed at this exhibit but if you’re in Austin, I recommend it. It highlights a great span of desire, touching on heartbreak, confusion, sex, love… I sometimes find art hard to relate to but a lot of the pieces on display in On Desire really touched me and spoke to me. Very.. human.


    I’ve always loved the Blanton’s peaceful grandeur.

  3. Lately, I have a lot of mind chatter that is self-deprecating. I’m starting to worry that it’s excessively self-deprecating and I can’t seem to find my way out of it. Yet, anyway. I’m toying with the idea of talking to a counselor. My insurance covers it after a deductible.
  4. This video of a three year old sobbing over Justin Bieber is heartbreakingly CUTE. Such anguish for a little one.

  5. In the last week I finished the first three books of 2010: Fup, The Shack, Bonk, and am almost done with 50th Law. I think it’s amusing that when you read a handful of books all at once, there’s a lag in finishing books but then you start to finish them at the same time. Book reviews to come of all three (four?) books soon.
  6. My mom had my fortune told by this Asian dude who records his take on your life on tape. According to him, per my mom, the funnest years of my life is from age 24-34. She said according to him, I’ll get married and start a family at around 34/35. Interesting. Everything that has happened in my life, my mom claims she already knew was going to happen to me. My dad, a skeptic of fortunes, was gleeful to report that the fortune teller thinks that any degree of charismatic magnetism I possess comes from his side of the family. Ha! My parents crack me up.
  7. I’m most hungry for reassurance right now. Cuddles. Chicken soup. Hugs. Murmurs that everything will pan out. For now, I settle for still wearing Valentine’s day socks and knickers, and chocolate chip cookies.

I sketched today.

January 23rd, 2010 · · creative play, love, memory 3 comments - Tags: , ,


Drawn without training, a no 2. pencil and Crayola colored penciles.

I’d like to formally explore drawing “rules” and techniques one day. You can tell I’m very untrained. Proportions are off. Look at her boots. Sigh, so many things to explore in this life and not enough time.

My dad drew. I remember as a child, I snooped through his letters and paperwork, wishing I knew how to read Vietnamese. I wanted to read the letters he used to write to my maternal grandfather. I liked the stationary and running my fingers over the ridges of imprinted words. (I also like running my fingers over the ridges of completed jigsaw puzzles.) While snooping one day, I found some drawings he drew while in a reeducation camp in Vietnam. They were drawn on pieces of cardboard and they were BEAUTIFUL. I think that’s painfully romantic. Drawing pictures of your wife while imprisioned. I can imagine him admiring his drawings with deep longing every night before bed. I should write myself a reminder to ask him if he’s tucked these drawings anywhere…

Dad got a Snuggie for Christmas…

December 25th, 2009 · · holidays, still-frames 5 comments - Tags: , ,

10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

November 25th, 2009 · · Austin, holidays, Houston, lists, love, memory, on the nightstand, Personal Finance, pursuit of happiness, the grind, the not so single life, wanderlust 5 comments - Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Before I head home to Houston, I’m going to squeeze in a third Gratitude list.

If you missed the first two here they are:

- 10 Things I’m Currently Thankful for
- 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for


Another 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

  1. A full time job! As I mentioned once or twice before, I landed a job and will be working at my Alma Mater. I start next Tuesday.

    I went to the lab to talk about the job offer last week and as I was hanging out I saw one of my old professors. It’s kind of a funny thing to see professors after you graduate and be inundated with academic memories. Some not so good ones! I had to suppress an urge to shrink away. Anyway, I digress. I gots a full time gig after not having a full time gig since June.

  2. Reunions over Thanksgiving! I have a handful of friends I haven’t seen in months and I get to see some of them in Houston this weekend for Thanksgiving. Although, it’s going to be challenging to time budget between friends and family in just 3 days, I think it’s not too shabby of a problem to have.
  3. My car.


    My first baby.


    My baby Civic

    I bought my car summer of 2007 after getting in a car accident. Ever try to imagine your life without your car? I wouldn’t be able to get to work (my current part time position is 45 minutes away by car.) I wouldn’t be able to drive to Houston to visit. No fun trips to restaurants, etc. Austin isn’t a pedestrian city. My car makes it possible for me to play, work, and explore. Yay car!

    I’m also grateful I didn’t play around and paid off my 5 year car loan in 1.5 years. This made the last 5 months of unemployment easier without having an extra 200 dollars a month to expense for a car payment.

  4. My Washer/Dryer. I remember the days of hauling my laundry to the laundromat and setting aside hours at a time to get laundry done. I’ve filled up COUNTLESS journal pages people watching as I think it’s extra interesting to see what people wash. Heehee. I haven’t had to use a laundromat for years now. I had a roommate 2007 with a washer/dryer. In 2008, Miss Jamie let Alan and I borrow her washer and dryer and we helped her “store” it. When I moved to my own place last year, I thought I’d forgo fun purchases and spend almost a thousand on a set. It was money well spent. There’s freedom in owning your own washer dryer.
  5. Trip to San Fran and Boston! I’m incredibly lucky to be able to travel a little bit this year considering my stint with unemployment.

    I took a trip to San Fran with Alan right before putting in my notice at my previous full time position. It was kind of a celebration of a new beginning for me and was also the first trip Alan and I took together. San Fran is one of my favorite cities now. I was also extremely blessed to have such a loving BFF/FFB who gifted me her flight miles to go see her in Boston. I hadn’t seen her in Boston for a few years and it was good timing for us. I can’t wait to go back to see her new house! :)

    I’m always thankful for any kind of travel I’m able to swing.

  6. Those who read what I write. I’m thankful for my regular readers (mostly friends and boyfriend). I’m thankful for the comments you take the time to write and just over all taking the time to read my humble little blog. I’m thankful for the mentions you make when we chat, for the followers, and the subscribers. I’m thankful for you!
  7. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. I’m thankful for great memories and hard lessons from my past. I’m thankful for the photos and the journals that help me not to forget.

    I’m thankful for today and being alive. I’m thankful for the possibilities that lie in the future and my capacity to dream and plan.

  8. Friends.

    It would take me all day to name them all by name but I’m thankful for them all. I come from a small isolated family. We hardly have any extended family. My friends are my extended family. They want the best for me and are my cheerleaders in life. I’m forever thankful.

  9. Living in Austin. Did you know this year we hold the accolade of least stressful city in the US? I love living in Austin. I love how pretty it is with the lakes and hills. I love the events hosted by us. I love our downtown area. It’s a wonderful, fun, smart, and young city.
  10. Books

    I cannot wait to own my own place and have my library set up! Books and bookstores are foolproof sources of comfort for me. I grew up around a lot of books so they conjure up a feeling of youthful awe. I also grew up seeing my dad with a book EVERY NIGHT, and every moment he had free and anything that reminds me of my dad also releases a lot of dopamine in my noggin. All the positive memory associations aside, books nourish me. They’ve molded my philosophies in life, provided understanding, clarity, education, inspiration… the list goes on. I love books. I’m thankful I’m in a country that limits censorship and that my parents raise me to value and appreciate the written word.