Tag: growing pains

We’re Not Boring. We’re Aging.

January 9th, 2013 · · Holidays, pursuit of happiness 18 comments - Tags: , ,

Since October, I’ve had a few conversations with close girlfriends about a shift in our social interests. I noticed nights out are comparatively tamer than they have been two years ago, three years ago, since college, and etc. I’ve gone from being able to play hard til six in the morning, then it ebbed down to three or four in the morning. Nowadays, we leave before bars close to skip out on traffic. I needed three cups of coffee to make it through Les Mis on a week night. The first drink I drank at the New Year’s Eve party was coffee. Jordan wrote an awesome post about her experience with this. Though in her defense, girl’s a momma now and I’m still only responsible for my well-being.

For New Year’s Eve, I recycled an older NYE dress and showed up to a cozy get together at a friend’s place for game night. It ended up being too crowded for game night and evolved to just a sweet house party. Alan and I left early at 1:30 am and then we curled up on the couch to watch American Horror Story. No longer do I feel the kind of adrenaline I used to get finding a cute and new dress to ring in the new year or pay a ridiculous amount to reserve the best table. I loved that I ended the night on the couch in front of a good show. A friend of mine recently exclaimed, “I’ve become boring.” I told her she wasn’t boring and that we are just aging. Showing up for brunch and clinking glasses over happy hour (read super early dinner time) are now our things. Our bodies cannot handle closing down bars and then caravanning to the after-party. I don’t miss that kind of leisure but it is stunning to me my first shift in social interests. With 7 months away from my 30th birthday, this shift came just in time.

imageNew Year's Eve

New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

All Will Go On

June 19th, 2012 · · Scary Thing(s) of the Week, The Grind 14 comments - Tags:

I’m going to see my sister, whom I haven’t seen in 17-18 years, in less than two weeks. Yet, the full significance hasn’t hit me because I’ve been nose deep in my new role as Dishcrawl Ambassador. (Hi are you in Austin? Get your tickets here!) I have been behind on reading blogs and commenting. I haven’t posted in my food blog and the backlog of gorgeous meals is growing. I’ve been behind in my daily correspondences. I’m barely on top of the housekeeping. I’ve been behind on keeping up with social media and nearly missed out on this fun video of Bloggers in Sin City posted on Facebook.


I really want a pause button.

I find that I’m holding my breath a lot the last two weeks. I have high hopes for myself and I am terrified that not only will I fall short, but will also do so in a public forum. (Hello, Internet!) When I’m not calling BDF or BFF, or emailing Cindy and the TAC girls for pep talks, I talk myself down from panic. I tell myself that I’m trying something new and it’s only natural to feel inadequate when you’re trying something new. That the fear nesting in the pit of my stomach is also intermingled with exhilaration. I tell myself to focus on the exhilaration instead of the fear.

I also find solace in my readings. Ray Bradbury in Zen in the Art of Writing tells me, “To fail is to give up. But you are in the midst of a moving process. Nothing fails then. All goes on. Work is done. If good, you learn from it. If bad, you learn even more.”

I’m doing work.

All will go on!


Question: What have you been working on?

Baby Steps

January 26th, 2012 · · pursuit of happiness 26 comments - Tags:

I have been in a funk for a couple of long months now. It has affected my blog posting frequency. When I’m down and out I hate blogging about it. It feels repetitive, unproductive, burdensome, and negative. When I’m down and out, I like attacking things with action or I ruminate over it until it compels me into action.

It feels so contradictory to feel both extremely happy and discontent at the same time. I’m happy with my social life and relationships. I’m in a wonderful place with Alan. It’s been 5 months since moving in with him and we’ve found that comfortable pace. I see my friends when I can, call the long distance ones semi-regularly, and have tried over 50 recipes in the last 5 months. I feel fulfilled outside of work. So these things make me very happy. It’s the lack of direction and calling that makes me feel restless.

A little over two weeks ago, as part of the 30 Day Reinvention, I was prompted to evaluate these pieces of my life: Confidence, Education, Career, Finances, Heath, Physical Activity, Home Cooking, Relationships, Social Life, Creativity, Spirituality, Home Environment. I gave myself grades and the only A’s and B’s I granted myself were in Creativity, Education, Home Cooking, Relationships, and Social Life. This leaves me a lot of areas to improve.

After a while of self-pity and stewing, I’m finally compelled to action. Baby steps. I’m baby stepping out of my rut. I’ve made time for the elliptical machine and for long walks on Town Lake almost every night the last two weeks. I’ve been writing in my journal most mornings. I’ve reinstated my 15 minutes a day of decluttering and an hour a week of cleaning on top of that. Hell, I’ve even flossed for three nights straight! I got my parking ticket waived and sent off payment for my speeding ticket. I’ve finally logged into LinkedIn and updated my connections. All these are incremental tiny steps. One foot after the other. Just like Bill Murray in one of my favorite movies.

What I know about baby steps is that it may feel like nothing is happening, but a year later when you look up, the scenery will have changed. Here’s hoping for better scenery!


Question: How do you feel about these areas of your life: Confidence, Education, Career, Finances, Heath, Physical Activity, Home Cooking, Relationships, Social Life, Creativity, Spirituality, Home Environment?

2010 in Review

December 30th, 2010 · · Austin, Birthdays, Holidays, Houston, Lists, Love, Memories, Misadventures, pursuit of happiness, Quotations, Resolutions 2010, The Grind, the not so single life, Travel 13 comments - Tags: , , , ,

It’s that time of year again! I share with you my personal recap of 2010. This year was much better than 2009 (which was much worse than my 2008). It was a year of recovery and regaining balance. I feel very fondly of 2010 but I’m ready to embrace 2011. Bring it!

Note: All links open in a new window.

January 2010


Celebrating New Year’s Eve

February 2010

Progressive Meal in Houston

March 2010


Crawfish Boil

April 2009


May 2010


The back of Conan

June 2010

If a June night could talk,
it would probably boast
it invented romance.
– Bern Williams

I touched Anthony Bourdain's tricep.

July 2010


Jon and Me at my Birthday Dinner

August 2010


Aishah’s 27th Birthday

September 2010


Me & Joe Rogan

October 2010

  • I planned and organized a regional conference for work.
  • My dude turned 26! We celebrated for over a week.
  • Tried my first absinthe.
  • My half sister whom I haven’t seen in over ten years found me on Facebook.
  • Dressed up as a cop for Halloween.
  • Auditioned for a travel reality TV show after receiving an email from a casting director. I took Neville as possible partner and he totally outshone me.
  • A close friend’s brother died unexpectedly. Being with her has been a top priority whenever I’m in Houston. I’ve grown deeper in love for and with her.
  • Tried out Breakfast Klub, a culinary highlight in 2010.

November 2010


Brittany & Me at Race for the Cure

December 2010

  • Participated in Reverb10.
  • Road trip to Oklahoma! Why Oklahoma? To cross off another state.
  • Attended annual Christmas Party for Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America with my little and her cousin. This is our third year in attendance!
  • Had hot pot on Christmas day twice. Lunch with Mary Ellen and her mom and her brother, and dinner with my own family. I did exactly this last year for Christmas!
  • Tomorrow’s plan is to party on a rooftop downtown in celebration of a new and fresh year. A stretch Hummer may have been rented.


Annual Christmas Party with my Little

That was my year! I’m happy to have shared it with you and have your support, comments, and readership. It means an awful lot to me. Thank you!


Question: What are five highlights from your 2010?

Lessons in Communication

December 20th, 2010 · · Reverb10 8 comments - Tags: , ,

I’ve signed up for #Reverb10, a project where bloggers are sent a daily prompt in December, aimed towards nurturing a reflection of 2010 and positive manifestations for 2011. Curious and want to join? Click on the badge below.

December 17: Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)


Lessons in Communication



photo credit

I had a short fling with a therapist in 2010. I was having fall outs in the beginning of the year with few relationships simultaneously and was starting to wonder if in fact, it was me. If it was how I was communicating with these people or the words I was using. I felt partially justified but self-doubt was brewing and I wanted a professional evaluation. It was from my therapist that I learned sometimes humans communicate at different capacities. She assured me I was communicating just fine but it’s just not landing. Her analogy was that I could be communicating with a twenty-something’s vocabulary with someone who is operating with a three-year-old’s vocabulary. Frustrated with my personal life, I asked her, do I dumb it down to get through to them? Her response was a surprising one and it was a great lesson in 2010. You don’t dumb yourself down to get through to someone. This was a hard pill to swallow. I was of the notion that you ghetto-rig at will to make communication and relationships work.

Moreover, I found it so upsetting that I worked so hard to check myself and my ego in these interactions but they were not getting me anywhere. The relationships I talked to her about were still dangling by threads. I felt disillusioned by effective communication. She then taught me my second lesson. Good communication is a reward in itself. It doesn’t guarantee happy resolutions, but the ability to voice your feelings in an effective manner without invalidating others is fulfilling in itself.

In the end, after a few more attempts at resolution, I ended up letting go of two relationships and keeping one. I’m still saddened at the loss but am much more at peace in my life and therefore happier. I found that by not diluting myself to get through to others, I’ve cemented my self-worth.


Question: What have you learned about yourself in 2010?

7 Quick Takes (1)

February 19th, 2010 · · 7 Quick Takes (Fridays), Books, Creative Endeavors, In Passing, Lists, pursuit of happiness, The Grind 6 comments - Tags: , , , , , ,

  1. A plane crashed into an IRS building here in Austin yesterday morning, killing two people. I just read the pilot’s 6 paged suicide note. I’m really sad for the innocent man who showed up for work and never came home because some sad twisted man could not take rein of his life and own responsibility for his unhappiness.
  2. Yesterday, during my lunch and on my own, I went to the Blanton Museum to see their exhibit on desire, aptly named On Desire.

    No photos were allowed at this exhibit but if you’re in Austin, I recommend it. It highlights a great span of desire, touching on heartbreak, confusion, sex, love… I sometimes find art hard to relate to but a lot of the pieces on display in On Desire really touched me and spoke to me. Very.. human.


    I’ve always loved the Blanton’s peaceful grandeur.

  3. Lately, I have a lot of mind chatter that is self-deprecating. I’m starting to worry that it’s excessively self-deprecating and I can’t seem to find my way out of it. Yet, anyway. I’m toying with the idea of talking to a counselor. My insurance covers it after a deductible.
  4. This video of a three year old sobbing over Justin Bieber is heartbreakingly CUTE. Such anguish for a little one.

  5. In the last week I finished the first three books of 2010: Fup, The Shack, Bonk, and am almost done with 50th Law. I think it’s amusing that when you read a handful of books all at once, there’s a lag in finishing books but then you start to finish them at the same time. Book reviews to come of all three (four?) books soon.
  6. My mom had my fortune told by this Asian dude who records his take on your life on tape. According to him, per my mom, the funnest years of my life is from age 24-34. She said according to him, I’ll get married and start a family at around 34/35. Interesting. Everything that has happened in my life, my mom claims she already knew was going to happen to me. My dad, a skeptic of fortunes, was gleeful to report that the fortune teller thinks that any degree of charismatic magnetism I possess comes from his side of the family. Ha! My parents crack me up.
  7. I’m most hungry for reassurance right now. Cuddles. Chicken soup. Hugs. Murmurs that everything will pan out. For now, I settle for still wearing Valentine’s day socks and knickers, and chocolate chip cookies.

Had a Bad Day…

February 3rd, 2010 · · Houston, Memories, Music, Photographs, pursuit of happiness, the single life 17 comments - Tags: , , , ,

I’ve been blue and I’m guessing this will be my general status quo for a while. I’m very much a type 7 kind of person so I don’t do very well sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself. I’m the kind of person who when faced with bad moods and heartache, I do my best to battle it with good times and reflecting on blessings. I cackle extra hard at mediocre jokes and I seek adventure. I’ve jumped out of planes and shot guns and traveled all in the spirit of avoiding pain. I’m pretty open to new experiences, but especially so when faced with adversity.

Although this is how I am, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy. I think we have to let ourselves mourn and feel what we feel now so that it’ll eventually run empty. It doesn’t mean I have to like it when my melancholy catches up to me and holds me in a lingering embrace. Actually it felt more like an unwelcomed, crushing bear hug. And that’s exactly what it did yesterday. The afterglow of my weekend in Houston wore off and I just felt extremely sad. All day. Most of the night. I’m a pretty rational person and I know bad times (and obviously good times) will pass. It’s just that I’m fucking impatient.

In the spirit of being more healthy about my coping with pain, I sat yesterday and bore the depression during work hours. Then, true to form I tried to use it as a trigger to propel me away. I completed tasks I was avoiding because I figured, hell, I’m having a bad day anyway, let’s just get this all out of the way. I cried my way through it and eventually made it to bed.

Here I am this morning. Ready to face it again. Tonight I’m meeting up an old/new group of friends and cooking something. Don’t know what yet. You know, to distract myself.

To nurse that afterglow I mentioned, I’m going to post random fun pictures from my weekend in Houston. (I have a progressive meal series to work on posting as well).









This picture makes me laugh out loud. I accidentally grabbed his butt right at the very second the picture was snapped. I thought it was his back! I did this to Jessica earlier that same day too. Oi.


What do you do when you’re feeling down?

2009 in Review

December 31st, 2009 · · Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America, Birthdays, Girl Eats World, Holidays, Houston, Lists, Love, Memories, Misadventures, Music, New Thing(s) of the Week, Personal Finance, Photographs, The Grind, the not so single life 17 comments - Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In comparison to 2008, 2009 was awful! The one thing I can think of that 2009 had over 2008 was that I read more than double the books I read in 2008. I’m anticipating the fresh feel of a new year that is 2010. In the meantime, here’s a review of how my year has gone with heavier emphasis on my blessings verses my misfortunes.

Note: All links open in a new window.

January 2009


Celebrating New Year’s with the boyfriend

February 2009


Alan and I at the Killer’s Concert

March 2009


Rodeo, Austin, TX

April 2009


Selina’s Birthday

May


Celebrating Sae’s law school graduation

June 2009


Cindy and me at Grand Lux Cafe in Houston

July


Brandi and me on Fourth of July

August

  • The first two weeks of August, I tried to squeeze in as much time as I can with Alan because he was about to leave for Korea for up to 4.5 months.
  • Starting, August 16, I started counting days Alan was gone.
  • Kim came to visit the weekend of the 22nd and we saw Wicked.
  • I saw 500 Days of Summer three times this month, in theatre, of course. This is the first movie I’ve done that.
  • Jon visited from NYC.
  • I got a part-time, part-time (yes you read that right) job, thanks to Brittany dropping a good word for me.


Alan’s last night out with friends before going to Korea.

September

October

November


Having hot chocolate at Ren Fest.

December


After party in the car.

I’m a blessed girl. Instinctively, I’d tell you my 2009 was pretty awful but when I write it all out like this and focused on the good rather than the bad, I can see now I’m still quite lucky. Farewell, 2009.

Tell me how your year went. Or better yet, if you have a year in review entry, I’d love to read yours.

10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

November 25th, 2009 · · Austin, Books, Holidays, Houston, Lists, Love, Memories, Personal Finance, pursuit of happiness, The Grind, the not so single life, Travel 5 comments - Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Before I head home to Houston, I’m going to squeeze in a third Gratitude list.

If you missed the first two here they are:

- 10 Things I’m Currently Thankful for
- 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for


Another 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

  1. A full time job! As I mentioned once or twice before, I landed a job and will be working at my Alma Mater. I start next Tuesday.

    I went to the lab to talk about the job offer last week and as I was hanging out I saw one of my old professors. It’s kind of a funny thing to see professors after you graduate and be inundated with academic memories. Some not so good ones! I had to suppress an urge to shrink away. Anyway, I digress. I gots a full time gig after not having a full time gig since June.

  2. Reunions over Thanksgiving! I have a handful of friends I haven’t seen in months and I get to see some of them in Houston this weekend for Thanksgiving. Although, it’s going to be challenging to time budget between friends and family in just 3 days, I think it’s not too shabby of a problem to have.
  3. My car.


    My first baby.


    My baby Civic

    I bought my car summer of 2007 after getting in a car accident. Ever try to imagine your life without your car? I wouldn’t be able to get to work (my current part time position is 45 minutes away by car.) I wouldn’t be able to drive to Houston to visit. No fun trips to restaurants, etc. Austin isn’t a pedestrian city. My car makes it possible for me to play, work, and explore. Yay car!

    I’m also grateful I didn’t play around and paid off my 5 year car loan in 1.5 years. This made the last 5 months of unemployment easier without having an extra 200 dollars a month to expense for a car payment.

  4. My Washer/Dryer. I remember the days of hauling my laundry to the laundromat and setting aside hours at a time to get laundry done. I’ve filled up COUNTLESS journal pages people watching as I think it’s extra interesting to see what people wash. Heehee. I haven’t had to use a laundromat for years now. I had a roommate 2007 with a washer/dryer. In 2008, Miss Jamie let Alan and I borrow her washer and dryer and we helped her “store” it. When I moved to my own place last year, I thought I’d forgo fun purchases and spend almost a thousand on a set. It was money well spent. There’s freedom in owning your own washer dryer.
  5. Trip to San Fran and Boston! I’m incredibly lucky to be able to travel a little bit this year considering my stint with unemployment.

    I took a trip to San Fran with Alan right before putting in my notice at my previous full time position. It was kind of a celebration of a new beginning for me and was also the first trip Alan and I took together. San Fran is one of my favorite cities now. I was also extremely blessed to have such a loving BFF/FFB who gifted me her flight miles to go see her in Boston. I hadn’t seen her in Boston for a few years and it was good timing for us. I can’t wait to go back to see her new house! :)

    I’m always thankful for any kind of travel I’m able to swing.

  6. Those who read what I write. I’m thankful for my regular readers (mostly friends and boyfriend). I’m thankful for the comments you take the time to write and just over all taking the time to read my humble little blog. I’m thankful for the mentions you make when we chat, for the followers, and the subscribers. I’m thankful for you!
  7. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. I’m thankful for great memories and hard lessons from my past. I’m thankful for the photos and the journals that help me not to forget.

    I’m thankful for today and being alive. I’m thankful for the possibilities that lie in the future and my capacity to dream and plan.

  8. Friends.

    It would take me all day to name them all by name but I’m thankful for them all. I come from a small isolated family. We hardly have any extended family. My friends are my extended family. They want the best for me and are my cheerleaders in life. I’m forever thankful.

  9. Living in Austin. Did you know this year we hold the accolade of least stressful city in the US? I love living in Austin. I love how pretty it is with the lakes and hills. I love the events hosted by us. I love our downtown area. It’s a wonderful, fun, smart, and young city.
  10. Books

    I cannot wait to own my own place and have my library set up! Books and bookstores are foolproof sources of comfort for me. I grew up around a lot of books so they conjure up a feeling of youthful awe. I also grew up seeing my dad with a book EVERY NIGHT, and every moment he had free and anything that reminds me of my dad also releases a lot of dopamine in my noggin. All the positive memory associations aside, books nourish me. They’ve molded my philosophies in life, provided understanding, clarity, education, inspiration… the list goes on. I love books. I’m thankful I’m in a country that limits censorship and that my parents raise me to value and appreciate the written word.

How do you support your loved ones?

November 5th, 2009 · · Love, pursuit of happiness 8 comments - Tags: , ,

Photo Credit: Thomas Chen

As a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, I always aspire to offer emotional support to my people. To be there for my loved ones when life throws them lemons. Divorce. Illnesses. Layoffs. I’ll be the ear, the shoulder, the eyes, whatever it is they need that is within my power. These things happen to the best of us. I’ve been blessed to have a great support system that has and will continue to do the same for me. However, what about the things we have more control over? Like our decisions?

More often now that we’re all growing up, we’re faced with bigger decisions with bigger consequences. Should we buy a house on our income and savings? Is it the right time to get married? Should I quit my job during a recession? Should I go to law school? Are we ready for a baby? Big giant decisions here and everyone and their mommas has an opinion on how you should decide your life. Hell, I’ve had some pretty strong reactions to some of the decisions my friends were contemplating and making. I’ve vehemently prayed and hoped they’d go one way over the other. In the end though, I remind myself that it’s their lives, their decisions. Once the decisions are made, as long as there’s no reckless endangerment or criminal behavior, I put on my optimistic pants and hope for the best. This is regardless of whether or not their decisions align with how I feel they should decide their life. Sometimes my loved ones give me anxiety pain because I’m so worried about what they might do and what possible havoc might follow but I brace myself with them. This is the kind of support I aim to provide. Of course there are limits, but this is generally my intent.

It disappoints and puzzles me that this intent isn’t always reciprocated or even practiced. Some people actually feel justified cutting off relationships because the person in question is “making stupid decisions.” Again, I understand there are limits. Aside from issues such as alcoholism, unprotected hook ups, driving while under the influence, being in an abusive relationship, and breaking laws, sure these are atrocious crimes and endanger the general public. Don’t support these decisions. Don’t be there. Kick at them. They probably deserve it. In other matters though? Careers, relationships, some financial, etc., why not live and let live. That’s my motto. Who are you anyway to judge?


What do you think? Are you there for your friends when they do “stupid” things?