Curious Notions

I’ve been blue and I’m guessing this will be my general status quo for a while. I’m very much a type 7 kind of person so I don’t do very well sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself. I’m the kind of person who when faced with bad moods and heartache, I do my best to battle it with good times and reflecting on blessings. I cackle extra hard at mediocre jokes and I seek adventure. I’ve jumped out of planes and shot guns and traveled all in the spirit of avoiding pain. I’m pretty open to new experiences, but especially so when faced with adversity.

Although this is how I am, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy. I think we have to let ourselves mourn and feel what we feel now so that it’ll eventually run empty. It doesn’t mean I have to like it when my melancholy catches up to me and holds me in a lingering embrace. Actually it felt more like an unwelcomed, crushing bear hug. And that’s exactly what it did yesterday. The afterglow of my weekend in Houston wore off and I just felt extremely sad. All day. Most of the night. I’m a pretty rational person and I know bad times (and obviously good times) will pass. It’s just that I’m fucking impatient.

In the spirit of being more healthy about my coping with pain, I sat yesterday and bore the depression during work hours. Then, true to form I tried to use it as a trigger to propel me away. I completed tasks I was avoiding because I figured, hell, I’m having a bad day anyway, let’s just get this all out of the way. I cried my way through it and eventually made it to bed.

Here I am this morning. Ready to face it again. Tonight I’m meeting up an old/new group of friends and cooking something. Don’t know what yet. You know, to distract myself.

To nurse that afterglow I mentioned, I’m going to post random fun pictures from my weekend in Houston. (I have a progressive meal series to work on posting as well).

This picture makes me laugh out loud. I accidentally grabbed his butt right at the very second the picture was snapped. I thought it was his back! I did this to Jessica earlier that same day too. Oi.

In comparison to 2008, 2009 was awful! The one thing I can think of that 2009 had over 2008 was that I read more than double the books I read in 2008. I’m anticipating the fresh feel of a new year that is 2010. In the meantime, here’s a review of how my year has gone with heavier emphasis on my blessings verses my misfortunes.

Note: All links open in a new window.

January 2009

• Celebrated New Years with Alan and his friends.
• I worked a lot. Logged a lot of hours.
• Saw one of my favorite movies of the year, Slumdog Millionaire.
• Kim sent me Tiff’s Treats at work to cheer me up about something.

Celebrating New Year’s with the boyfriend

February 2009

• Alan took me to my third Killer’s concert as a Christmas gift.
• Tried out Joe Dimaggio’s for the first of three times this year. Went as a Valentine’s date with Alan.
• Got flowers from Alan at work.
• Alan, his roommate, and I all played Bingo for the first time.
• I worked a lot. Logged a lot of hours.

Alan and I at the Killer’s Concert

March 2009

• I worked a lot. Logged a lot of hours.
• Went to my first rodeo with some work friends and Brandi.
• Ate at Mighty Fine for the first time, now my favorite burger joint of the year.
• Celebrated Brandi’s birthday at Pete’s Dueling Pianos.

Rodeo, Austin, TX

April 2009

• Went to Houston for my daddy’s birthday.
• I worked a lot. Logged a lot of hours.
• Was supposed to be Jamie’s date for a wedding. We got lost in West Austin and ended up exploring Salado, Texas instead.
• Celebrated Selina’s birthday at her house on same day Jamie and I almost went to that wedding.

Selina’s Birthday

May

• Worked a lot; logged a lot of hours.
• Visited San Francisco for the first time and went with Alan. It was our first vacation together and we ate very very well.
• Put in notice at my Clincial Research Job and thus ending that career path (for now at least?)
• I finished out May working at that job and I stopped logging too many hours.
• Celebrated Sae’s graduation from Law School.
• Kim visited from Houston for Memorial Day Weekend.
• Katambra introduced me to a snowcone stand that I frequented often in the summer.
• Saw Star Trek in IMAX, was surprised to love it.

Celebrating Sae’s law school graduation

June 2009

• Ate at a lot of happy hours with old coworkers, with Alan, Sae, and his girlfriend with new free time.
• I took a certification class to become a teacher
• I went to Houston for Father’s Day
• Kim and I tried out Feast, voted best new restaurant in Houston by a handful of magazines.
• I saw Thomas in Houston and we ate at Fufu’s.
• Went on a lot of double dates with Sae and Young. (Here’s our first time at North)

Cindy and me at Grand Lux Cafe in Houston

July

• Celebrated Fourth of July with Brandi and her boyfriend at Zilker Park..
• Went on a lot of double dates with Sae and Young.
• Went to Houston for my mom’s birthday.
• Saw Cindy in Houston and we ate at Classic Kitchen.
• Kim and I discovered Hugo’s, hands down my favorite restaurant in 2009.
• Moved in with my current roommate, and long time friend, Brandi.
• Celebrated my birthday with tons of great people at Trailer Park Eatery.
• At one point, had 4 bouquets of flowers delivered at our apartment and they were all to me from different people. Felt very loved.
• I took and passed my state certification test to become a middle school teacher for science.

Brandi and me on Fourth of July

August

• The first two weeks of August, I tried to squeeze in as much time as I can with Alan because he was about to leave for Korea for up to 4.5 months.
• Starting, August 16, I started counting days Alan was gone.
• Kim came to visit the weekend of the 22nd and we saw Wicked.
• I saw 500 Days of Summer three times this month, in theatre, of course. This is the first movie I’ve done that.
• Jon visited from NYC.
• I got a part-time, part-time (yes you read that right) job, thanks to Brittany dropping a good word for me.

Alan’s last night out with friends before going to Korea.

September

• Hosted the first Alphabet pot luck. We started with the letter P.
• Wrote a blog entry about my journals, surprisingly my favorite blog entry of the year.
• Friends and I got dressed up for Deesh’s brother’s wedding reception.
• Visited Mary Ellen for a long weekend in Boston. First time I’ve gone to see her since 2005. Had best breakfast ever at Mike and Patty’s and most interesting hot pot.
• Alan surprised me by coming home from Korea early.
• Went out for Selina’s Bachelorette Party.

October

• Celebrated Alan’s birthday at Joe Dimaggio’s. Was very happy to have him back in Texas and to be able to celebrate his birthday with him and take him as a date to weddings. He had good timing :)
• Stood in Selina & Ryan’s Wedding and witnessed strong love.
• Realised I don’t really want to be a teacher.
• Threw 2nd Alphabet Potluck.
• Dressed up as a cow girl for Halloween.

November

• Went to Wurst Fest with friends.
• Went to Cathedral of Junk for the first time with Brandi.
• Texas Renaissance with Jessica and Brandi
• Had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Houston where I reunited with people I don’t normally see! (Willis, Thomas, Kim, Shane, Kelvin, Chris, Aishah, Kym, Hillary, Alex)
• Had my second progressive meal this year.

Having hot chocolate at Ren Fest.

December

• I started my new full time job and kept my part time night job.
• I struggled with what it means to be someone’s family.
• I struggled with what it means to be someone’s friend.
• I made truffles for the first time!
• Saw Avatar in IMAX opening night. Awesome.
• Attended and witnessed proudly, Bing graduate from college
• Attended annual Christmas Party for Big Brothers, Big Sisters of America with my little and her family.
• Jennifer from Philly is in town and I introduced her to Teucsher.
• I went home to Houston for Christmas break and was able to see Mary Ellen, Aishah, Pinky, Cindy, and Kim of course my lovely family.
• Had hot pot on Christmas day twice. Lunch with Mary Ellen and her mom and dinner with my own family. Hot potted out! (Blog entry to come.)
• Released balloons 4 days early as part of a New Year’s Tradition with Kim. (Blog entry to come.)
• Tonight, most likely will be going downtown for New Year’s and spending it with Alan.

After party in the car.

I’m a blessed girl. Instinctively, I’d tell you my 2009 was pretty awful but when I write it all out like this and focused on the good rather than the bad, I can see now I’m still quite lucky. Farewell, 2009.

Tell me how your year went. Or better yet, if you have a year in review entry, I’d love to read yours.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Before I head home to Houston, I’m going to squeeze in a third Gratitude list.

If you missed the first two here they are:

- 10 Things I’m Currently Thankful for
- 10 More Things I’m Currently Thankful for

1. A full time job! As I mentioned once or twice before, I landed a job and will be working at my Alma Mater. I start next Tuesday.
   

   I went to the lab to talk about the job offer last week and as I was hanging out I saw one of my old professors. It’s kind of a funny thing to see professors after you graduate and be inundated with academic memories. Some not so good ones! I had to suppress an urge to shrink away. Anyway, I digress. I gots a full time gig after not having a full time gig since June.

2. Reunions over Thanksgiving! I have a handful of friends I haven’t seen in months and I get to see some of them in Houston this weekend for Thanksgiving. Although, it’s going to be challenging to time budget between friends and family in just 3 days, I think it’s not too shabby of a problem to have.
3. My car.
   
   My first baby.
   
   My baby Civic

   I bought my car summer of 2007 after getting in a car accident. Ever try to imagine your life without your car? I wouldn’t be able to get to work (my current part time position is 45 minutes away by car.) I wouldn’t be able to drive to Houston to visit. No fun trips to restaurants, etc. Austin isn’t a pedestrian city. My car makes it possible for me to play, work, and explore. Yay car!

   I’m also grateful I didn’t play around and paid off my 5 year car loan in 1.5 years. This made the last 5 months of unemployment easier without having an extra 200 dollars a month to expense for a car payment.

4. My Washer/Dryer. I remember the days of hauling my laundry to the laundromat and setting aside hours at a time to get laundry done. I’ve filled up COUNTLESS journal pages people watching as I think it’s extra interesting to see what people wash. Heehee. I haven’t had to use a laundromat for years now. I had a roommate 2007 with a washer/dryer. In 2008, Miss Jamie let Alan and I borrow her washer and dryer and we helped her “store” it. When I moved to my own place last year, I thought I’d forgo fun purchases and spend almost a thousand on a set. It was money well spent. There’s freedom in owning your own washer dryer.
5. Trip to San Fran and Boston! I’m incredibly lucky to be able to travel a little bit this year considering my stint with unemployment.
   

   I took a trip to San Fran with Alan right before putting in my notice at my previous full time position. It was kind of a celebration of a new beginning for me and was also the first trip Alan and I took together. San Fran is one of my favorite cities now. I was also extremely blessed to have such a loving BFF/FFB who gifted me her flight miles to go see her in Boston. I hadn’t seen her in Boston for a few years and it was good timing for us. I can’t wait to go back to see her new house! :)

   I’m always thankful for any kind of travel I’m able to swing.

6. Those who read what I write. I’m thankful for my regular readers (mostly friends and boyfriend). I’m thankful for the comments you take the time to write and just over all taking the time to read my humble little blog. I’m thankful for the mentions you make when we chat, for the followers, and the subscribers. I’m thankful for you!
7. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. I’m thankful for great memories and hard lessons from my past. I’m thankful for the photos and the journals that help me not to forget.
   

   I’m thankful for today and being alive. I’m thankful for the possibilities that lie in the future and my capacity to dream and plan.

8. Friends.
   

   It would take me all day to name them all by name but I’m thankful for them all. I come from a small isolated family. We hardly have any extended family. My friends are my extended family. They want the best for me and are my cheerleaders in life. I’m forever thankful.

9. Living in Austin. Did you know this year we hold the accolade of least stressful city in the US? I love living in Austin. I love how pretty it is with the lakes and hills. I love the events hosted by us. I love our downtown area. It’s a wonderful, fun, smart, and young city.
10. Books
    

    I cannot wait to own my own place and have my library set up! Books and bookstores are foolproof sources of comfort for me. I grew up around a lot of books so they conjure up a feeling of youthful awe. I also grew up seeing my dad with a book EVERY NIGHT, and every moment he had free and anything that reminds me of my dad also releases a lot of dopamine in my noggin. All the positive memory associations aside, books nourish me. They’ve molded my philosophies in life, provided understanding, clarity, education, inspiration… the list goes on. I love books. I’m thankful I’m in a country that limits censorship and that my parents raise me to value and appreciate the written word.

Photo Credit: Thomas Chen

As a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, I always aspire to offer emotional support to my people. To be there for my loved ones when life throws them lemons. Divorce. Illnesses. Layoffs. I’ll be the ear, the shoulder, the eyes, whatever it is they need that is within my power. These things happen to the best of us. I’ve been blessed to have a great support system that has and will continue to do the same for me. However, what about the things we have more control over? Like our decisions?

More often now that we’re all growing up, we’re faced with bigger decisions with bigger consequences. Should we buy a house on our income and savings? Is it the right time to get married? Should I quit my job during a recession? Should I go to law school? Are we ready for a baby? Big giant decisions here and everyone and their mommas has an opinion on how you should decide your life. Hell, I’ve had some pretty strong reactions to some of the decisions my friends were contemplating and making. I’ve vehemently prayed and hoped they’d go one way over the other. In the end though, I remind myself that it’s their lives, their decisions. Once the decisions are made, as long as there’s no reckless endangerment or criminal behavior, I put on my optimistic pants and hope for the best. This is regardless of whether or not their decisions align with how I feel they should decide their life. Sometimes my loved ones give me anxiety pain because I’m so worried about what they might do and what possible havoc might follow but I brace myself with them. This is the kind of support I aim to provide. Of course there are limits, but this is generally my intent.

It disappoints and puzzles me that this intent isn’t always reciprocated or even practiced. Some people actually feel justified cutting off relationships because the person in question is “making stupid decisions.” Again, I understand there are limits. Aside from issues such as alcoholism, unprotected hook ups, driving while under the influence, being in an abusive relationship, and breaking laws, sure these are atrocious crimes and endanger the general public. Don’t support these decisions. Don’t be there. Kick at them. They probably deserve it. In other matters though? Careers, relationships, some financial, etc., why not live and let live. That’s my motto. Who are you anyway to judge?

I didn’t get my birthday wish but I did have a nice dinner with some friends at a new place I’ve been meaning to try. The only person who had Torchy’s Tacos was Jen and she’s never had it at the Trailer Park & Eatery. Happily, it was a new experience for everyone involved.

Si Nae and Stephen brought their two new puppies.

So at the Trailer Park & Eatery there’s Torchy’s Tacos and another trailer I didn’t try out yet called Treat, a dessert eatery. This is Brandi in front of the Torchy’s window.

I ordered the popular deep fried avocado taco and the green chile pork taco. Delicious. I especially liked the green chile pork taco.

My brother ordered the “Dirty Sanchez” which instigated a few immature chuckles.

What’s in the Dirty Sanchez? Scrambled eggs with guacamole, fried poblano chili, escabeche carrots, and shredded cheese served on a flour tortilla with poblano ranch sauce.

Everyone enjoyed the tacos. Pretty damn good and I’d so come back.

Some more photos:

Brandi, the cake decorator made me that cake. Reminds me of a little girl’s birthday cake. Plus, it was chocolate. Chocolate is medicine for the soul.

I’m glad my 25th year is over. 26 is starting off shaky too but through it all I have good people and good food. That’s not too shabby.

January
- Kim came up for New Years. We celebrated downtown with Alan’s couple of friends and Jon and the boys.
- Kim and I wrote on two balloons on New Year’s Day. One balloon of our regrets and things we’re letting go. The other balloon our desires for 2009. Then we ever so poetically, released them on my balcony.
-I went to San Diego for the fourth time. I made it to the zoo and stayed at the same hotel as Jon and Kate plus Eight when they went to San Diego on their way to Hawaii.
- Made Jambalaya for the first time.
-Ate a lot of food with Jon while he was visiting Texas.

At Paradise Pointe Resort in San Diego.

February
- Spent my favorite holiday with Jamie.
- Did my own taxes for the first time
- Found a new hair stylist of of Sixth Street after asking her for a kiss for Bing for his birthday.
- Sent out Valentine cards and packages.

Celebrated Bing’s birthday on Sixth Street. The night I met my hair dresser.

March
- Watched a lot of movies and cooked a lot of dinners with Alan.
- Cindy came up to visit. Introduced her finally to Flip Happy Crepes.
- I got about 3 hours of sleep a night.
- I go to San Diego for work yet again and stay at a hotel that had sex toys in their mini bar available to purchase.
- I search for a Madam Mam’s replacement. (Never found it)
- I celebrated Brandi’s birthday with Jessica. This is the 2nd time in 2008 we managed to spend some time together. We went downtown for her birthday and ate at Hula Hut.

With my girls, celebrating Brandi’s birthday. I wish this year we saw each other more. There was a time a year or two ago we saw each other once a week at least.

April
- I go to Second Chance Prom with Neville. Sweet since I didn’t have a date to my highs school prom. Well.. Liz was my date :)
- I meet my little and take her to celebrate Earth Day at Republic Square.
- I take a fabulous vacation to NYC (originally suppose to include Boston too and visit Mary Ellen but her paper got accepted into a conference). I got to see the Jennifers and Jon. Jon was my lovely host. (entry, entry, entry, entry)
- Had my first Brazilian Wax. Yikes.
- The father of two of the kids I’ve babysat since both of them were born, died.

Jon and I in NY.

May
- My brother graduates college! My parents came up to see him walk.
- Alan and I didn’t renew our lease and I started to mourn the apartment. I was in love with our location and view.
- Continue to babysit for the boys who lost their father. Started with the night of the memorial service and then the funeral.
- Selina asked me to be her bridesmaid.
- My brother turned 23. Making me feel old.

Our view.

June
- Go to funnest book signing I’ve been to with Si Nae and her boyfriend. We went to see Chuck Palahniuk promote Snuff. He threw out blow up dolls.
- I worked a lot.
- I saw a lot of movies with Alan.

Si Nae, her boy, and Chuck Palahniuk!

July
- Alan and I moved out and stopped being roommates :( But it was a good move for us :).
- Went to Florida for the first time to get Mary Ellen married. Flew in a few days early and I joined her clan in cooking, building, bitching, bonding, all in the name of love and the most beautiful wedding I’ve been to yet. It was pretty much a DIY wedding and you can see the labor of love in everything. The baby food jars around the garden sheltering tea light candles, the fireworks/crackers, the dance floor her uncles and aunts built, the cascading fruit basket one of her uncle fashioned at 3 in the morning the night before the wedding, etc. SO many details that were not only beautiful on its own, but also in the labor and thought and love that it represented.
- I take a Thursday off of work and Brandi and Jessica and I hang out for the third time this year. They treated me to a trip to Schiltterbahn for my birthday. Last year it was Sea World.
- Turned 25. Jen T who normally only comes once or twice a year happened to be in town for my birthday :). Si Nae dropped by flowers. I had a pretty birthday cake in the shape of a snow globe. I celebrated with friends. Felt special. Alan took me out to a romantic dinner and bought me a cell phone. It was a good birthday. Though I hate that I’m now 25.

Birthday celebration.

August
- Lily teaches us to make sushi.
- Alan introduces me to Mikados. I mention this because now we go here fairly often for sushi. I’ve yet to take him to Musashinos.
- Cindy comes and stays with me for almost 2 months for her pharmacy school rotation.
- I take my little to her first play. Jack and the Beanstalk.
- Nisreen and Nino get engaged and Nisreen asks me to be one of her bridesmaids.

Sushi making night

September
- I take my certification test and am now certified in clinical research.
- I go to the Domain with Nisreen to study for that test. We go just looking around for her wedding dress and we actually FIND it at St. Thomas.
- I fly to Orlando for work, wishing Alan had gone.
- I take my little to her first UT football game.
- Cindy and I try to learn about football.

So it wouldn’t just be for me why I wanted Alan in Orlando with me. Lookit the golf course!

October
- To my surprise, I’m taken by UT football. Really taken after watching OU game. I thought I had burnt out on football forever, but it’s really quite addicting.
- Alan takes me to see UT/Missouri game.
- Alan had a birthday.
- I dress up as a Hula girl for Halloween.

Kissing Meatwad.

November
- Ran my first 5k with Nisreen, Katambra, and Melissa.
- Jessica has a birthday, so the three of us (Brandi, Jessica, and I) reunite for the fourth time this year. FOUR times. That’s so sad. We go to Pete’s Dueling Pianos with plans to go to ren fest again but Brandi got struck with hives.
- I practically live at work.
- My brother breaks in his apartment by hosting a Thanksgiving meal. He makes his first turkey. Delicious!
- I take my little to the Paramount theatre for the first time. We see The Hungry Caterpillar. Then I have a mini high school reunion.
- I take Thanksgiving week off from work and spend a week in Houston.
- I see fireworks with Kim and kind of Chris.

Nisreen pours everyone a double shot of bourbon at my brother’s Thanksgiving dinner.

December
- I finish paying off my car :) One of my New Year’s Resolutions. I bought in July 2007. Not bad, if I do say so myself.
- I spend Christmas in Houston.
- On the 26th of December, Kim and I for the 2nd time release balloons for New Years. We’re stunned that this time around, we do not have any regrets to write on that regret balloon. Instead, we write what we want to stay away from. Good times with Ms. Kim.
- I get to see my best friend, Mary Ellen. Second time this year. First time being for her wedding in July.
- I go back on Saturday (today) to get some work done and to spend NYE in Austin. With friends and beau.

Our balloons. Purple = wishes. Pink = what we’ll stay away from. Since we didn’t have regrets this year.

It’s been a good year. I read 10 books, ate a lot of Pho, and laughed a lot.

I go home from work feeling beaten everyday this past month or so. It looks like this is how it’s going to be for at least two more months. I developed a lingering cold and the malaise actually muddles my pain.

Today, I received a belittling email from a third party senior and the words chosen were needlessly condescending. I responded to the email very diplomatically and apologetically, conjuring up advice my supervisor passed on to “never be right.” I finally finished How to Win Friends and Influence People recommended to me by Will and Kym and sometimes I wish people I have to interact with (I.E. aforementioned third party), would read and brush up on their people skills. The book opens up (if I remember correctly, it only took me 2 years to read) that you can never win an argument. Even if you’re right, you lose. My supervisor in training me to be a supervisor, told me to give up being right. She implies that when your goal is to be right, you’re essentially making someone else wrong, thus breeding resentment. As third party picked on “my” mistakes, she left herself open for goofs as well and instead of responding in kind, like I so wanted to, for the sake of our future relationship, I had to apologetically own all miscommunication. Yuck. I don’t mind a few bites of humble pie every now and again, but this one had a strongly bitter aftertaste.

You know what would rid that bitterness aftertaste from my palate though? Tomo’s Tina’s Handroll. Alan and I last week finally tried out Tomo’s. It used to be called something much longer.. it’s still on their credit card machine but I’m too lazy to check my statement for their former name. My boss first told me about this place in early 2007 when it still had its old name and I hadn’t gotten around to finding the place/trying it out til last week. Sae recommended Tina’s Handroll (shrimp tempura, spicy tuna, spicy crab, avocado with soy paper) and my goodness, that roll was the best handroll I’ve had. So good. I didn’t have my camera on me but we ordered one to go for Sae. That big palm in the picture isn’t mine, by the way. I have more delicate hands.

The place is in a mini mall close to Cool River on Parmer lane. Once you go in, it’s very tiny. Reminds me of NYC hole in the walls. Could sit maybe…20 people? Best to go off peak hours or make reservations. They have an aquarium with FAKE jellyfish floating around. I didn’t catch on that they were fake til a little late. Delicious sushi :) And down the street from where I live!

I have a set of people in my life with whomI feel the bond is strong enough to withstand a lot of years, a lot of distance, and a lot of life’s changes. Lifers are supposed to be for life. Well “suppose to” is the operative phrase. The fact that everyone is flawed in their own way compounded with the fact that everyone has different expectations of their friends makes for a few conditionals where Lifers lose their rank. They get demoted from Lifers to … acquaintances? Or from Lifers to “People you should be wary of?” Or Lifers to Slimers (also known as F*ckers). The conflict I’m struggling with is, what’s the point in confronting an Ex-Lifer once they fall? I don’t really care to get the last say because once they’re gone, everything you say is wasted breath.

For a while there I just cut out everyone once they cross some sort of line with me. It was a very haphazard way of living and I’ve learned that. I get it. People are not kitchen applicances you can just pitch once they start malfunctioning. Fine, whatever, I get it. Practicing that is a little difficult for me because I’m one who hates to waste time. What’s the point of investing time and energy to a Fallen Lifer? It’s all you can do not to remember how they’ve wronged you and thus they should not be trusted and therefore watch what you say around them. It’s consuming to constantly try to forgive them because why cultivate any sort of friendship (even superficial friendships) if you resent them for their trespasses? What’s the point? Networking? Never know when you need them so don’t burn the bridge? That’s what I get when proponents lecture me on my burning bridges… “you should never burn a bridge…” They usually appeal to utility. However, sometimes there’s nothing on the other side of that bridge you’d want so why not cut ties? Save yourself from pretenses.

So a Lifer of mine recently, unbeknownst to her, lost her rank with me. I’m trying to exercise this supposedly more mature way of dealing with it. The “you shouldn’t burn a bridge” philosophy so just play nice approach is a hard one for me to exercise. I’m prideful. I hold grudges. I’m deathly afraid of making the same mistakes twice. (Translation: I don’t want to trust you again.) I hate wasting time. I never sleep and I fill my time with things I love to do… playing nice is not something I love to do. I’m usually drained and exhausted from lack of sleep and therefore don’t even have the energy to conjure up feigned interest in boring life occurrences that do not belong to me or someone I care for immensely.

In short, I don’t get this don’t burn bridges, try to play nice crap.

• I killed my first critter in my new apartment. It was a scropion.
• The towing company won’t release my car to the insurance company. They now claim I can only release it in person. That wasn’t their claim on July 3rd.
• I shared a drink with my brother. Yesterday he called. “Sorry, I have strep.”
• I peed in Bing’s toilet without him knowing it. Turns out it’s clogged. Now my tp is floating in his toilet. That kind of bugs the OCD part of me. (Sorry, Bing.)
• Gotta go bargain hunting for Corollas.
• I moved in Saturday. No hot water till Wednesday. Been warming water by stove.