I was 22 years old and had just gotten my heart broken by my first boyfriend of four years. My parents had taken to blowing up my phone because I was MIA for three days. I usually talked to them everyday but couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. My dad left a voice mail threatening to come up to Austin if I didn’t call him back. Not wanting to deal with hovering parents while I grieved, I reluctantly called them back.

That was our conversation in totality. Note how he didn’t even ask the whys and whens of the split. He didn’t need to know. It was enough that we were over. It was enough that I was crying and my ex was not.

The next day he called to apologize. He told me he was sorry to be so rough with me the day before but he just wanted me to see this break-up as practice. I remember being so perplexed on what he could possibly mean by “practice.”

“You know, when you meet that someone who is perfect for you and get married and have kids and live your life, what do you think will happen?”

I remember being afraid to let him finish this thought but I braced for it anyway.

“He’s going to die!”

My dad had tried to make me feel better about my first break-up by likening it to practice for when my future spouse dies. It’s so awful that the memory of this still makes me laugh 5 years later and this story still gets requested by my friends at gatherings.

Brutality aside, I think I get what he was trying to tell me. We are on borrowed time. Nothing and no one is really ours. Everything and everyone gets given back. A break-up is just one way things get taken from us and at the time, my break-up was just a small introduction to the greater losses life will bring me. No wonder I’m so scared of losing my loved ones. I can’t imagine how unbearable the pain will be when the losses become bigger.

It’s that time of year again! I share with you my personal recap of 2010. This year was much better than 2009 (which was much worse than my 2008). It was a year of recovery and regaining balance. I feel very fondly of 2010 but I’m ready to embrace 2011. Bring it!

Note: All links open in a new window.

January 2010

• Rung in the new year with Alan, Jen, and friends.
• Started a book club.
• I finally organized my books.
• An old high school and college classmate randomly invited me to Gourdough’s. I’ve since had 13 of their donuts.
• Made a cooking video with my mom. Significant because it’s the most popular youtube video I’ve posted with over 10,000 views.

Celebrating New Year’s Eve

February 2010

• Will came to visit from Dallas.
• Launched a separate food blog.
• Sent out Valentine cards and socks.
• Had a Valentine’s Date with Alan at Joe DiMaggio’s and received beautiful flowers from Cindy and a lovingly abusive voice mail from Jon.
• Progressive meal in Houston that took us to three restaurants for one meal.
• Organized a trip to San Antonio to eat a 42 inch pizza.
• Spotted a car hoarder. This blog entry got a lot of Austin search hits.
• First real book club meeting. Discussed The Shack.
• Despite all of the above, it was still a tough month.

March 2010

• Watched An Education by myself.
• Had a crawfish broil.
• Went to Austin’s first annual Bacon Takedown!
• Participated in a food blogger’s workshop, called TechMunch during SXSW.
• Celebrated two years with Alan.

Crawfish Boil

April 2009

• Saw Anthony Bourdain speak!!!
• Went to Houston for my daddy’s birthday.
• I piped my first cake (disaster) and saw the famed albino squirrel at the University of Texas.
• Posted my first video blog.

May 2010

• Made my first lasagna.
• Learned to be more careful. More specifically, not to roam gas stations at night.
• Treated Alan and myself to a date with Conan.
• I ate a double down.
• Austin Wine Festival with Brittany.

The back of Conan

June 2010

• Went canoeing for the first time.
• Moved out of my 2 bedroom apartment which I shared with Brandi and into a 1 bedroom by my lonesome. Meanwhile, Brandi moved to Dallas for culinary school.
• Started a weekly writing exercise with my best friend.
• Celebrated Brittany’s birthday at a bingo hall.
• I ran into the same cat, dog, and mouse that I had previously first seen in San Francisco the year prior.
• Saw Anthony Bourdain speak for the second time this year. Also had the pleasure of meeting him. And touching his tricep.

July 2010

• Celebrated Fourth of July poolside and downtown.
• Seriously started to write letters and my pen pals actually wrote back.
• Hosted a girls’ weekend. Alex and Hillary drove in from Houston and San Angelo and we ate, drank, and were merry.
• Celebrated my 27th birthday with two celebrations. An one-on-one date at a fabulous new sushi restaurant and then a group birthday with a handful of friends.
• Jon who flew down and was able to make it to my birthday dinner, was in town an extra day and we spent all day eating, drinking, and being merry.

Jon and Me at my Birthday Dinner

August 2010

• Participated in VEDA and met some wonderful people.
• I vlogged my scoliosis scar which was a difficult feat for me.
• I had my heart broken by someone dear to me.
• Participated in an attempt to set a world record of most amount of people icing cupcakes at one time.
• Finished my 21st book of 2010 : A Man Without a Country. One of my favorites.
• Went to Houston to celebrate Aishah’s 27th birthday.

Aishah’s 27th Birthday

September 2010

• Alan took me to see Joe Rogan!
• Went to the wedding of Alan’s childhood friends.
• Finished Reading Cook’s Tour by Antony Bourdain. My 28th book of 2010.
• Made Bucatini All’ Amatriciana , my favorite recipe of the year.

Me & Joe Rogan

October 2010

• I planned and organized a regional conference for work.
• My dude turned 26! We celebrated for over a week.
• Tried my first absinthe.
• My half sister whom I haven’t seen in over ten years found me on Facebook.
• Dressed up as a cop for Halloween.
• Auditioned for a travel reality TV show after receiving an email from a casting director. I took Neville as possible partner and he totally outshone me.
• A close friend’s brother died unexpectedly. Being with her has been a top priority whenever I’m in Houston. I’ve grown deeper in love for and with her.
• Tried out Breakfast Klub, a culinary highlight in 2010.

November 2010

• Voted!
• Went to Austin’s first trailer park food festival.
• I posted a blog post everyday in November as part of Nablopomo.
• Walked Race for the Cure with Brittany and raised over 500 dollars for breast cancer research.
• Saw Louis C.K. thanks to lovely boyfriend.
• Saw old friends in Houston over Thanksgiving.
• I listed 100 things I am thankful for.
• Sent out Thanksgiving Day cards
• Joined the Sketchbook Project.

Brittany & Me at Race for the Cure

December 2010

• Participated in Reverb10.
• Road trip to Oklahoma! Why Oklahoma? To cross off another state.
• Attended annual Christmas Party for Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America with my little and her cousin. This is our third year in attendance!
• Had hot pot on Christmas day twice. Lunch with Mary Ellen and her mom and her brother, and dinner with my own family. I did exactly this last year for Christmas!
• Tomorrow’s plan is to party on a rooftop downtown in celebration of a new and fresh year. A stretch Hummer may have been rented.

Annual Christmas Party with my Little

That was my year! I’m happy to have shared it with you and have your support, comments, and readership. It means an awful lot to me. Thank you!

I saw this tweet from Ryan today and it reminded me of an interaction I had with someone in my life this weekend. This prompted me to share my list of three questions to ask yourself before you ask someone a favor.

How close are you to your friend?

I use the term friend to mean whomever you are asking a favor of. Hopefully you should know better than to rely on an enemy.

If I’m asking a favor of Mary Ellen or another super close friend, I wouldn’t feel out of line if I just jumped right into it and asked for the favor. We are close enough to stay in communication routinely so I hope that she understands that her friendship is valuable to me and I do not see her as just an end to my means. If you’re not close to this friend and haven’t talked to them in a while, please approach with more care and tact. Realize that you’ve neglected this relationship for whatever reason and to not at the very least inquire about his or her life is off putting.

Did you ask for a favor the last time you talked to your friend?

There is someone in my life right now who texted me this weekend. Before even reading her text I knew she needed something and groaned. I think I even put off opening her text message. I came to this accurate prediction because she has developed a consistent pattern of only speaking to me when she needed something. I cannot remember the last time we hung out and caught up on each other’s lives that was not initiated by me. I ended up texting back an avoidance of her favor. It worked out that I was honestly busy and am working both my jobs this week. However, I doubt I’d honor her favor even if I did have the time.

There’s an analogy in Stephen R. Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that I think is pertinent. View your relationships with people as individual bank accounts. Have you made deposits in the relationships? Cashing in a favor is withdrawing from your bank account. Doing a favor or being a friend is equivalent to depositing. Is your relationship account balanced? Are you overdrawn? Ask yourself this before making your request.

Are you abreast more or less with your friend’s life?

Do you know what’s going on with your friend’s life? Do you know how his work/personal/extracurricular life is going? What did he do over the weekend? If you haven’t the slightest clue what he’s up to in the last 6 months, you probably have no business trying to cash in a favor. Again, if this person has no idea what’s going on with you and the first thing you do is ask if he or she can fix your router or debug your website’s php code, more than likely, you’re watering some of his resentment.

I hate that relationship status thing on facebook and myspace.

Last weekend I had dinner with 2 boys and a girl. We girls forced the boys into girly-slumber-party-like questions and conversation. We called it game of “Truth or Truth.” Poor boys. We asked them fun questions from last time they cried to weirdest place they had sex. The juvenile game soon morphed into a conversation about gender differences. One guy wondered why females have a tendency to go into this silent psychological warfare where they are grading their significant other silently, going through a “check list.” He likened it to a ticking bomb.

“Tick tick tick.. and all of a sudden they go off and do something drastic, like break up or start a blow out fight.”

The other girl and I nodded knowingly. We’ve done this ‘ticking bomb’ thing. We’re both sticking to our guns that the “ticking bomb” is a fantastic last resort. Often times we find ourselves voicing what we want over and over again. It’s not fun. It could be as small as “You don’t ever ask me how my day is” to something bigger such as, “I’m not going to wait for you to get your shit together another year, it’s already been 6 years.” Eventually, the asker gets tired of hearing her (or his) own voice so she (or he) stops asking.

Cue “Ticking Bomb” phase.

This is the point where they’re deciding on whether to fold and walk away with least amount of damage to themselves. I like calling it the silent tally. Silently counting how many times the party in question is falling short. No more reminders. No more gentle coaxing. No more arguments. So my hint to mainly the men out there. If your significant other has been nagging you about something for a long while and all of a sudden, she’s quiet. Contrary to what my male friend thought it was (“I thought she changed her wants”), you’re probably being silently monitored and about to approach a tipping point in the relationship. :) Beware of silence.

Why I will stand by it? People generally don’t change. Unless the pain of their not changing exceeds the pain of changing.. right? Why fix something that ain’t broke? So if someone doesn’t embody something you think you need in a relationship, the “ticking bomb” helps illustrates the futility of waiting for someone to change… Count the tally marks then fold and walk away with what you have.