Originally, this VEDA entry was suppose to be a 1 to 3 ratio of sad story to funny stories. Unfortunately, I underestimated how long the sad story would take me to tell so I’ll have to lace in more happy entries for VEDA in the future. Tonight, I vlogged about my mom’s first birthday as my dad’s wife.
I was 22 years old and had just gotten my heart broken by my first boyfriend of four years. My parents had taken to blowing up my phone because I was MIA for three days. I usually talked to them every day but couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. My dad left a voice mail threatening to come up to Austin if I didn’t call him back. Not wanting to deal with hovering parents while I grieved, I reluctantly called them back.
That was our conversation in totality. Note how he didn’t even ask the whys and whens of the split. He didn’t need to know. It was enough that we were over. It was enough that I was crying and my ex was not.
The next day he called to apologize. He told me he was sorry to be so rough with me the day before but he just wanted me to see this break-up as practice. I remember being so perplexed on what he could possibly mean by “practice.”
“You know, when you meet that someone who is perfect for you and get married and have kids and live your life, what do you think will happen?”
I remember being afraid to let him finish this thought but I braced for it anyway.
“He’s going to die!”
My dad had tried to make me feel better about my first break-up by likening it to practice for when my future spouse dies. It’s so awful that the memory of this still makes me laugh 5 years later and this story still gets requested by my friends at gatherings.
Brutality aside, I think I get what he was trying to tell me. We are on borrowed time. Nothing and no one is really ours. Everything and everyone gets given back. A break-up is just one way things get taken from us and at the time, my break-up was just a small introduction to the greater losses life will bring me. No wonder I’m so scared of losing my loved ones. I can’t imagine how unbearable the pain will be when the losses become bigger.
It’s that time of year again! I share with you my personal recap of 2010. This year was much better than 2009 (which was much worse than my 2008). It was a year of recovery and regaining balance. I feel very fondly of 2010 but I’m ready to embrace 2011. Bring it!
Note: All links open in a new window.
That was my year! I’m happy to have shared it with you and have your support, comments, and readership. It means an awful lot to me. Thank you!
Last night, sometime after 2 am, I woke up at Alan’s on my side of the bed, which just happens to be against the wall. The lights were on, my glasses still on my face, and my new Kindle rested on my chest. I never have my glasses on me; I just happen to have them this week because of a sexy case of pink eye. Also, the Kindle is a new thing. I tell you this because I always read before bed but at Alan’s, it’s sans corrective lens and with paperbacks. Normally, I would just push the book aside and conk out.
So there I laid, feeling quite sleepy and groggy, and the bedside table on his side of the bed seemed so far away. Just as I was trying to gather up the energy to place my glasses and Kindle far from harm’s way, I heard Alan stirring in the living room.
“Alan?”
“… Linda? You called me?”
“Uh huh.”
He peeked in and I was trying to mentally formulate my ridiculous request. Seriously, what kind of bratty favor is that to ask? Can you please take my glasses and book pleaseeeee? Luckily, he somehow knew and saved me the shame.
“You want me to grab your glasses and Kindle?”
“Yesssss.”
Dude gingerly plucked the glasses off my face and grabbed my reader. He then whispered good night, turned off the lights, and closed the door.
The last thing I remember is smiling in awe and appreciation.
This was such a tiny moment.
So tiny that I felt the need to document it for safekeeping.
I’ve signed up for #Reverb10, a project where bloggers are sent a daily prompt in December aimed towards nurturing a reflection of 2010 and positive manifestations for 2011. Curious and want to join? Click on the badge below.
December 3: Moment Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
So instead, and in no certain order, these are just some of the moments I felt alive and that my heart was swollen in 2010.
♥ Holding hands with Alan as we stroll downtown and hop restaurants on a date night. First crisp cold night of the winter season. We had just giggled and laughed at the first date happening less than a foot away at Kenichi. The guy looked like Fabio and could not stop talking about himself.
♥ Sharing a booth at Chocolate Bar with Sarah. Juicy girl talk, drinking the best hot chocolate of my life, and topping it with a delicious white and chocolate layered cake. Of course, drizzled with syrup. The hot chocolate is practically pure melted rich chocolate. It took its time down my throat. The fluffy whipped cream and half melted marshmallows danced on the tip of my tongue. The fun purple walls of Chocolate Bar. Purple is my favorite color.
♥ Crisp weather on November 7th. It’s 7:30am on a Sunday morning. So unnatural to be up this early on a weekend, yet there we were, Brittany and me, immersed with thousands of people as we walk in solidarity, raising money and awareness for breast cancer.
♥ Camping out in my living room with Hillary and Alex the weekend before my birthday and talking to the wee hours of the moment. It felt like our life has circled around again. We’ve slept on floors before 10 years prior and talked into the wee hours of the morning.
♥ The handful of times with Thomas and various company where we just stuffed ourselves silly with good food, trying out a new restaurant. And then deviously decide to run over to another eatery to try some other famed dish or dessert despite being stuffed silly. It felt like we were literally gorging ourselves on the good stuff life offers. The pain we always felt afterwards was exquisite.
♥ Holding a co worker’s four month baby and making funny faces at him. His body was heavy and cozy. He still had new baby smell.
♥ Late night chat conversation with Kim as we listened to a This American Life episode together and than passed on sad break-up songs to each other. Neither of us going through break ups but both of us wallowing. I felt so drunk and buzzed and not a drop of alcohol was consumed.
♥ All those times I silently rest my head on Alan’s shoulder and can feel the the weight of his head on mine. It’s as if I’m silently saying, “hi” by resting myself on him and he’s saying “hi” back when he rests his head on mine.
You would think I’m burnt out on posting every day for a month after VEDA (Vlog Every Day in August) and then National Blog Posting Month (which just ended yesterday), but I’m at it again! This time it’s on the daily in December for #reverb10, where bloggers reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next. Click on the badge below to learn more.
December 1: One Word
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)
2009 was kind of in disarray for me. I was disillusioned by my work situation and running haggard. I quit my job in the depths of a recession without a job lined up. After which, I visited San Francisco with Alan and Boston to see bestie. I scrambled for another job and was unemployed for 5 months. I got certified to become a middle school biology teacher that cost me over 1000 dollars to attain but then couldn’t bring myself to apply to teaching jobs. I was occupationally unfocused. I had a falling out with a couple of friends that affected a wider circle of friends. I had a lot of highs and many great memories but the ride was bumpy and emotionally I felt very unsettled.
2010 was all about centering myself. I’m more at peace in my relationships. I’m more at peace with myself. I recouped the savings I spent while unemployed. I did not travel anywhere to save that money. I’ve had more time to sit and be with by myself which was a luxury I did not give myself in 2009. The alone time allowed me to read almost double the books I read in 2009, keep a cleaner and more organized home, write more letters to my long distance loves, and create more. I prioritized my true friends and stopped wasting as much time with the acquaintances. All of which had a centering affect on my soul. The unease of 2009 has dissipated and I’m feeling grounded.
In 2011, I want to try my hands on more instead of idly daydreaming. I want to knock on more doors and set more things in motion. Maybe I’ll fall into something fantastic.
It’s my best friend’s birthday today. 13 years of friendship. 10 years of it a best friendship. She’s lived in Boston for quite some time now. Now that she’s bought a grown up house, it looks like there’s a likely chance that we won’t ever live in the same state again. Except maybe when we are little old ladies moving into the same nursing home. In the meantime, we make due by sharing everything mentally (I like to call her, my brain) and seeing each other at Christmas and occasional visits. We’ve agreed to visit each other once a year, alternating our states. I start next year so I can see her new house.
I like to marvel at the scope of our shared experiences. She’s literally been my refuge after major break ups, offering up her miles and and East Coast home. I’ve seen her meet, date, and marry her boo. I have a random memory of her as a 1st grader with boogers in her nose from when we crossed paths as munchkins. I’ve grown to fiercely love her family and her husband. We’ve walked each other through familial falling outs. We bumped heads repeatedly as teenagers. We’ve traveled to Europe together. Hell, we once invited a strange man into our hotel room as high school students just to hang out and managed to not get sexually assaulted or killed. It’s just been quite a ride with this girl and I cannot wait to see where our lives take us. I always know we’re going to be okay because we have each other.
I love her and am wishing her the best birthday. :)
I was organizing my box of letters today and I stumbled upon a letter from my friend, Cindy. It wasn’t dated so I couldn’t really cross-reference any of my running records to see why she was so encouraging. Regardless, it was such a sweet letter. Recently, I’ve been soul-searching to see if I give back as much as I receive. I was worried that maybe I’m a crummy friend. Re-reading this letter was reassurance that I have done some stuff right. Which means, I just need to keep an eye on who I want to be and continue to reach. Here’s the letter. Shared with permission.
Dearest Linda,
Another year has passed, meaning a full year tacked on to our friendship. In the past year:
- You’ve shown the meaning of a true friendship. Not necessarily with your actions directed towards me, but also with the way you treat your other friends. I know very few people who are as loyal, caring, or genuine as you are. A true gem amongst friends.
- You’ve shown more strength than you will ever know. I know you feel like you’ve regressed, but I’ve never seen someone fight as much as you have for emotional peace of mind. You’re stronger than you think, and I know you’ll make it through. It’ll take time, but I know you’ll make it.
- You’ve shown me how to appreciate the little things in life. You have no idea how much this has changed the way I carry myself in my own little cynical world. In this way, you’ve literally changed my life.
- You’ve taught me to love the people around me, and most of all, to love life itself and all that it can offer for me. For that, there’s no amount of words that I could say to thank you.
Here’s to another year my dear.
Ti voglio bene,
Cindy
My heart was thoroughly warmed today when I read this letter. Sometimes it’s hard to not let the bad things people say about you outweigh the good things people say about you. Having tangible rave reviews around for those days is good for the spirit.
Last night I was doing my weekly hour of cleaning when I decided to throw out an old wallet. I poked, prodded. and peeked into all the pockets and slots and inside one I found a movie stub! I get really excited about movie stubs because I like tacking them in my movie stub journal and then jotting down a few memories. Namely, names. Names of the people I went to the movie with. So this movie stub was dated April, 15 2006! All it said was Lucky so I was guessing that it was for Lucky Number Slevin. I happened to be gchatting with my friend Davey, and I relayed the news to him.
Happy coincidence! Dave remembers watching the movie with me and with his friend, Asad. This conjured a few vague swirls of memories but I knew I watched it at least twice in theaters. It donned on me that I’m an avid journal keeper. Maybe I mentioned this movie in a journal! To the journal book shelf I went and I’m proud to say I only picked up 1 wrong journal before guessing the correct journal (Can’t wait to gift myself that label maker!).
Sure enough, I wrote in my journal that same night (early morning of April 16, 2006 to be exact) and the movie got a mention. I did indeed watch it with Dave and Asad!
I realize this is kind of geeky that such a simple thing gave me so much joy. But I told you, I really like dates.
P.S. Monday Writing Prompt is going on winter break :)
Growing up, I’ve always hated Christmas. As long as I can remember, my parents worked Christmas Day and they still do. As I matured, I’ve come to really love and appreciate them for working every day of the year. I understand they did it for us and for the family. However, it makes the actual day of Christmas quite lonely. Last Christmas wasn’t so bad because I met up with Bestie (who visits from New England for the holidays) for some hot pot. This year, it looks like we’re doing it again, which is wonderful. It makes the holiday less lonely.
Generally, I love October through February. October, marks the beginning of the holidays. Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday because I really love celebrating gratitude. Also pumpkin makes an appearance in comfort cuisine in the fall. Mmm pumpkin. Mostly, what really makes October through December so wonderful is the people. Most of my closest friends have moved out of state or are in Houston. The out of towners come to Houston for the holidays since their parents are still rooted. I come home to Houston more to see the parents and it feels wonderful to be physically surrounded by your friends. As we grow older and start popping out babies, I know these friends will fly home to Houston less. :(
Finally, the euphoria lasts through February because February houses my favorite holiday. Valentine’s day!
P.S. This blog post was inspired by Stephany’s 11th confession on her latest blog entry.
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