Curious Notions

There’s something really comforting and cozy about sitting on a couch even by yourself and enjoying a movie. Perhaps under a blanket or while mindlessly munching on popcorn as you vicariously get taken to another world by way of cinema. Particularly when things are tough, watching a movie can quiet and dull all sorts of mind chatter and heartache. I remember after a particularly bad break up several years ago, I kept a movie log (surprise, surprise, I log everything) and my movie count for an entire summer ran over EIGHTY movies. Kym accompanied me once that summer to Blockbuster and to my utter embarrassment, the Blockbuster dude told her to take me out.

All that said, what about going to the movies by yourself? I’ve been doing this for years and cannot remember the first movie I saw by myself. Sporadically, I have opened up about this solo activity of mine and am often reacted to with shock and or involuntary pity and always with curiosity. “Don’t you feel like a loser?” gets asked often. My answer is no. I have only one stipulation I place on myself out of insecurity and that is to avoid Friday and Saturday nights. Those are the only times I feel self-conscious. Otherwise, it feels very indulgent. I even break out date night outfits to make it more of a treat. So there you have it, I’m a proponent for going out to the movies solo every once in a while.

Some advantages of going to the movies on your own

• Feels just like you’re watching a movie in your living room but with a much, much bigger screen.
• No awkward reach overs to share popcorn. It’s all yours!
• If you avoid Friday and Saturday evenings, a movie theatre provides a very quiet haven to just sit and be before your movie starts.
• You don’t have to have a date to wear a date outfit. (I wore my sparkly headband last night.)

Question: Have you been to the movies by yourself? If so, what have you seen?

P.S. Saw An Education last night. A WONDERFUL film. I give it 4.5 stars out of 5.

Lots of happy moments this weekend. Listed in chronological order: I saw Brit, Deesh, and Bing whom I haven’t seen in a while. We sat through a pretty atrocious movie (Obsessed). A group of nine of us tackled the biggest pizza we’ve ever laid eyes on. Jess, Brandi, and I had an in home spa night. Never held my face over a boiling pot of green tea before. I had brunch with the lovely Selina and our conversation was very thereauptic. Took a leisurely walk around our neighborhood wearing a skirt. It was warm enough to wear a skirt and flip flops! The weather climbed to 76 degrees. Of course we’re due for below freezing weather again. They say if you don’t like Texas weather, wait 5 minutes. Had lunch with and hugged someone I hadn’t seen in a while and missed. Tell me about YOUR weekend. What brought you joy?

A plane crashed into an IRS building here in Austin yesterday morning, killing two people. I just read the pilot’s 6 paged suicide note. I’m really sad for the innocent man who showed up for work and never came home because some sad twisted man could not take rein of his life and own responsibility for his unhappiness. Yesterday, during my lunch and on my own, I went to the Blanton Museum to see their exhibit on desire, aptly named On Desire. No photos were allowed at this exhibit but if you’re in Austin, I recommend it. It highlights a great span of desire, touching on heartbreak, confusion, sex, love… I sometimes find art hard to relate to but a lot of the pieces on display in On Desire really touched me and spoke to me. Very.. human. I’ve always loved the Blanton’s peaceful grandeur. Lately, I have a lot of mind chatter that is self-deprecating. I’m starting to worry that it’s excessively self-deprecating and I can’t seem to find my way out of it. Yet, anyway. I’m toying with the idea of talking to a counselor. My insurance covers it after a deductible. This video of a three year old sobbing over Justin Bieber is heartbreakingly CUTE. Such anguish for a little one. In the last week I finished the first three books of 2010: Fup, The Shack, Bonk, and am almost done with 50th Law. I think it’s amusing that when you read a handful of books all at once, there’s a lag in finishing books but then you start to finish them at the same time. Book reviews to come of all three (four?) books soon. My mom had my fortune told by this Asian dude who records his take on your life on tape. According to him, per my mom, the funnest years of my life is from age 24-34. She said according to him, I’ll get married and start a family at around 34/35. Interesting. Everything that has happened in my life, my mom claims she already knew was going to happen to me. My dad, a skeptic of fortunes, was gleeful to report that the fortune teller thinks that any degree of charismatic magnetism I possess comes from his side of the family. Ha! My parents crack me up. I’m most hungry for reassurance right now. Cuddles. Chicken soup. Hugs. Murmurs that everything will pan out. For now, I settle for still wearing Valentine’s day socks and knickers, and chocolate chip cookies.

Had a good weekend. I don’t have too many photos uploaded yet but the one on top is from Friday night. Will came down from Dallas and those are some of his old frat brothers.

I had a pretty joyful weekend. Here’s my weekend joy list.

• Will came to visit. We hardly got to see each other because unexpected events (my bad) but we managed a few drinks Friday and we’re grabbing yogurt on campus today before he heads back to Dallas.
• I treated Brandi (because she cooks and spoils me) to Dear John. She’s a big Nicholas Sparks fan. I have to say Channing tatum is hot!
• Dave, Brandi, and I tipped our hats off to Valentine’s day (I do this often- acknowledge love day) by watching a film screening on desire at the Blanton Museum. More on this later.
• Tried out a new dim sum place (more on this later).
• Watched the second half of the Super Bowl.
• Had homemade green chicken enchiladas while watching a comedy with Brandi and Jessica.
• I had 8 hours of sleep Saturday night. Something I hardly ever swing.

What’s on your weekend joy list?

I’ve been blue and I’m guessing this will be my general status quo for a while. I’m very much a type 7 kind of person so I don’t do very well sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself. I’m the kind of person who when faced with bad moods and heartache, I do my best to battle it with good times and reflecting on blessings. I cackle extra hard at mediocre jokes and I seek adventure. I’ve jumped out of planes and shot guns and traveled all in the spirit of avoiding pain. I’m pretty open to new experiences, but especially so when faced with adversity.

Although this is how I am, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy. I think we have to let ourselves mourn and feel what we feel now so that it’ll eventually run empty. It doesn’t mean I have to like it when my melancholy catches up to me and holds me in a lingering embrace. Actually it felt more like an unwelcomed, crushing bear hug. And that’s exactly what it did yesterday. The afterglow of my weekend in Houston wore off and I just felt extremely sad. All day. Most of the night. I’m a pretty rational person and I know bad times (and obviously good times) will pass. It’s just that I’m fucking impatient.

In the spirit of being more healthy about my coping with pain, I sat yesterday and bore the depression during work hours. Then, true to form I tried to use it as a trigger to propel me away. I completed tasks I was avoiding because I figured, hell, I’m having a bad day anyway, let’s just get this all out of the way. I cried my way through it and eventually made it to bed.

Here I am this morning. Ready to face it again. Tonight I’m meeting up an old/new group of friends and cooking something. Don’t know what yet. You know, to distract myself.

To nurse that afterglow I mentioned, I’m going to post random fun pictures from my weekend in Houston. (I have a progressive meal series to work on posting as well).

This picture makes me laugh out loud. I accidentally grabbed his butt right at the very second the picture was snapped. I thought it was his back! I did this to Jessica earlier that same day too. Oi.

What do you do when you’re feeling down?

1. Share your orders When I went to Gourdough’s last week, I hardly knew 5 of the 6 other people there. One of guys announces that they’re all foodies, so they “know how to eat.” What he’s talking about is sharing and tasting your company’s order. We discussed how some people get a little possessive and snobby about sampling from other people’s order or vice versa. That’s fine and all but to truly be a foodie, you must get down and dirty with your friends. Share! The point is to try as much as you can. 2. Talk to the owner whenever possible I always try to chat up the owners whenever possible. It’s a treat to see the faces behinds the great ideas. One of Gourdough’s owners (there are two) is Ryan, pictured above in the photo. Commend them if you had a great experience and introduce yourself! We all said hello to Ryan and gave him a few recommendations for new donuts. (We jokingly suggested he make a Papa John’s donut.) There’s no real purpose for this rule except etiquette and gratitude. 3. Roll with the misadventures If you’re out in the field long enough, you’re bound to get shot by the bad luck sniper every now and again. Restaurants closing down before you get a chance of trying, food poisoning, trying something you don’t really like (for me it was octopus), throwing up because you ate so much (not me, but my opponent in an eating contest, hehehehe), or GETTING FARTED ON! That was such a bizarre moment for Kim and me. We were eating brunch at Backstreet Cafe, when a man (pictured above with his back to us), lifted his butt and let one rip. We were aghast! We could almost taste it!! Ug. I’m gagging as I relive this. The point is though, we didn’t let it ruin our experience at Backstreet. Don’t let the snags deter you from your pursuit of great food experiences. Yuck. That fart. Do you have any foodie rules to add?

Photo credit: My friend, Thomas Chen I didn’t watch American Idol with much vigor or loyalty through the years, that is, until I started dating Alan (He’s one of those crazy involved viewers who actually votes.) Mostly, I used to watch the bad singers because they were entertaining and then my interest would wane. What always strikes me as puzzling about the bad singers are those who vow to not give up despite how suicidal their ballad just made everyone. Outside looking in, it’s obvious most of these performers should never sing again but the handful that vow never to quit? If they’re true to their word, they could waste even more years towards a craft that may never yield the desired results. May not even come close! We’re a society that teaches and encourages persistence. If first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Only quitters, quit! I’m sure you can think of a few more cliches. But when does it stop being inspiring and admirable and start being wasteful (of time and resources), sad, and pathetic? What exactly defines a lost cause? Is it ever admirable to give in to reality and forfeit? There have been some great dreamers out there who’ve made our world a better place due to sheer persistence, but perhaps they’re a different breed? Maybe they’re Outliers? Is it ever time to realize a new dream and put your time and efforts towards something a little more attainable? I’m quite stuck. Is it ever okay to throw in the towel on your dreams?

Watch this clip of the untalented before answering.

Another coblog with Mary Ellen. Read her version here.
Last and first coblog we did: 10 more rules to live by (me) | 10 Rules to Live By (her)

1. Have something to wake up for

No matter how old you are, there’s always something good to look forward to.
Lynn Johnston

Having something to look forward to helps with maintaining happiness. Even when you’re in the throes of deadlines and sickness and other life stresses, having a rainbow waiting after the rain will put our problems into perspective, that is, it lets us realize that the bad will pass and something good is coming.

2. Be curious

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
Albert Einstein

Let your curiosity do some leading and you’ll make wonderful discoveries that are both little and grand. There’s something fun about following your curiosities as there’s no telling where they may lead you.

3. Be hungry

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.
Thomas A. Edison

Hunger, like curiosity is a force of motion. Having a dangling carrot ahead of you tempting you with desire is quite motivating in terms of setting you into action. It’s not enough to just simply want success, life experiences, happiness; be hungry for it. There is an urgency in hunger that is important not to lose; our time here on earth and with our people is very limited.

4. Have friends

A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unmanageably.
William Penn

Who else are you to have joyful belly laughs with, if not with your friends? Friends make great partners in crime in your pursuit for joy.

5. Let bygones be bygones

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis

This is especially helpful to me in terms of relationships. Most trespasses cannot be taken back so why mull and suffer over something that cannot be undone? Growing up, my dad always asked me whenever I’d cry about a broken friendship or relationship, “Are they crying over you right now? …No? Then why are you crying over them?” In the spirit of Richard Fish from Ally McBeal, “Bygones!”

6. Appreciate the ridiculous

The privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject, but man only.
Thomas Hobbes
Another way of putting this, find the humor in life’s absurdities. Something hilarious about life’s difficulties. Sometimes things are so absurd or so bad that it’s just downright funny. A good movie to watch about appreciating the absurdities of life is Little Miss Sunshine.

7. Be present

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.
Albert Camus
Life happens fast. If you don’t consciously open your eyes and savour it, you might miss out on the joy. An easy way of doing this is concentrate on your body and its five senses. Instead of worrying about your to do list while listening to your child talk about her day in school, focus on the feel of her small hand in yours, the lightness of her voice, the music in her laugh and enjoy how small and innocent she is now. Be present.

8. Be deliberate

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This can be achieved simply by being aware of the consequences of your actions.

9. Celebrate

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
Oprah Winfrey

There are infinite things to celebrate: Health, accomplishments, love, youth, wisdom, the color purple. Possibilities are endless. The act of celebrating and honoring something forces us to step back and appreciate. Blowing out the candles, shooting the fireworks, clinking champagne glasses, dancing to a good beat, these actions in themselves are joyful. Make your life a party.

10. Be thankful

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
- H. L. Mencken

When we reflect back on what we have as opposed to what we don’t have, it’s really hard not to be happy and see that we’re all very blessed.

So tell me, how do you find joy in your life?

If you missed part one, here it is. Mary Ellen joined me for Part II and blogged the same rules on her blog. Read her version here.

1. “Childlike wonderment is essential.”
   This statement made by my new boss is the rule that inspired Part II. I was working at my new job, trying my best to be useful, when my boss walks into the lab and announces very matter-of-factly, “It’s snowing!” and then he left to go outside. We all scurried and put on our coats to go see the snow. Now when I say snow, I mean Texas flurries that don’t stick. (I heard it stuck in Houston though that same day!) We stood underneath the awning and watched in quiet wonderment. Suddenly, Boss states, “Let’s go get some,” and he walked out into the “snow” and stood facing upward with his eyes closed. He said very authoritatively, “Childhood wonderment is essential, guys.” What a wonderful way of summing up something I strive for daily. Not but a minute later, he announces that it’s time to go back to work.

   So transitory that moment but it really calls to attention something I find, well, essential in life. Childlike wonderment. I’ve been around a lot of children in my life with all the babysitting and work I’ve done with them and the one thing I truly appreciate about kids is their amazement of things that snooty adults take for granted. The world ceases to be magical when you don’t let yourself be moved by the little miracles. Like snow.
   
   

2. Sometimes having the last word isn’t a sign of winning. Everyone knows the picture of a stubborn donkey and his owner yanking and beating on him to try and get him to budge. Arguing with a human jackass is exactly like that. At least donkeys eventually get tired and move. Human jackasses might move away, but they won’t change their mind. You don’t want to argue with a Jackass. There are no winners in the argument. I know the last word is highly coveted by everyone, myself included, but a rule I try to live by is when it’s becoming clear that you’re arguing with a jackass, it’s in your best interest to cease. A Jackass is not only someone with a limited perspective, but someone who is also vehement in not expanding his view and not acknowledging there is more to be said and discussed. Someone with blinders on and whose argument could be broken down to a repetitive, “HEE HAW, HEE HAW.” Repeat. There are no winners when arguing with a Jackass.
   
   
3. Blog about the stuff that you want to remember and not the stuff you don’t want to remember. This is pretty self-explanatory. I don’t always succeed in doing this and it’s taken me YEARS (I’ve been doing this since high school!) to come to where I am now, but I’ve made it my personal policy to not blog things I don’t want to remember.
   
   

4. Sometimes you just gotta sit on the floor. I actually had notes for 10 Rules to Live by Part II in my notation notebook from earlier on the day when I told Mary Ellen about this blog post. I had a full day of shopping with Brandi and was so exhausted that I could not move to the couch from the floor and definitely could not will myself to walk to my purse and pull out the notebook to get the rest of my rules. I only remembered “Child like wonderment is essential.” So Mary Ellen worked with me and that’s how we decided it would be fun to come up with nine more and then blog the same ten individually on our blogs. My sitting on the floor became a rule. Sometimes, you have to grant yourself permission to take a load off and veg where ever you may be. In my case, it was the floor.
   
   
5. Be careful what you wish for. I like the idea that the universe gives you what you want. If you play your cards right, don’t piss off too many people, the Universe will conspire to grant you your deepest desires. (I think I first got this notion off of Paulo Coelho.) I don’t know if I actually believe that the Universe has an agenda, but I do believe that sometimes the world works in a funny way and actually gives you what you want. That can be scary! Wanting the wrong person, the wrong job, the wrong crowd of friends… Worse, what if you wanted a mullet? And you got it? See what I mean? Be careful what you wish for.
   
   
6. Best friends are essential. So you’re probably thinking, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Best friends are wonderful. Yada yada yada. There are a lot of obvious benefits of having best friends. You have a go to person, a confidant, etc. However, I think it’s also important to realize how important best friends are in your own personal development. We grow into the people we are because our loved ones give us the security and confidence to do so. They do this by guiding, reprimanding, not judging, encouraging, and supporting. When we screw up and are given the opportunity to grow and better ourselves, they don’t let us get away without at least a knowng guilt inducing glance or a long lecture. Most importantly, they have your back.
   
   

7. When things go down the shitter, pamper yourself. The good thing about shitty times and shitty moods is that one of your first goals is to try to feel better. Depending on the catastrophe and your budget, this can range from a home manicures, a cup of hot chocolate, truffles, a weekend trip, a new book, a jigsaw puzzle. (Welcome to my comfort toolbox.)
   
   
8. Don’t wait for growing up to get easier. It doesn’t get easier! Enjoy today!
   
   
9. Appreciate your body. I know in 20 years I’m going to miss what I have now. Positive self-image is not only hard to achieve these days, but also once achieved you can’t just sit back and relax. It’s always going to be a work in progress. We’re fish swimming against the current of airbrushed models and impossible, unattainable, highly publicized social standards of beauty. It’s important to step back a little, dim the lighting, and gaze lovingly at your body. We’re going to miss what we have when we’re older. Knowing that, shouldn’t we try to appreciate it while we have it?
   
   
10. Don’t use other people to define yourself. I knew a girl once who went to college on an autumn day wearing flip flops. In class, she noticed everyone was wearing closed toed shoes. I asked if her feet were cold and she said she was just fine. What bothered her was that she stood out and didn’t “fit in.” Mind you, she was 23 at the time. She actually drove home from college to put on different shoes and went back. She missed out on a lot of lecture time to just pacify her anxiety of being different. This was just one example of all the ways she tried to emulate everyone around her in hopes she could find something that was her. There’s nothing wrong with being inspired, but there’s a reason why the saying goes, “Imitation is suicide.” It’s important to get to know yourself. It’s important to be authentic.

Photos taken from and by my talented friend, Thomas.

On Monday, I found a note on my car. It was a stranger letting me know I needed air in my tire. How randomly kind is that? I used to love acts of random kindness but this made me realized it’s been a while since I’ve come across a random act of kindness. Someone actually honked at me for wasting one second of their lives as I handed over some food to a homeless person. I usually don’t flick people off but I’m quick to anger when behind a wheel.

I don’t know how to gauge air pressure and Alan was asleep so I drove over to Deesh, Bing, and Brittany’s and Deesh helped me. Deesh and Brittany, I’m finding are the epitome of acts of kindness.

I hope this blog entry has inspired you to take a moment and maybe do something nice for a stranger (or friend). Spread some cheer.

What was your last encounter with a RAOK?