I started this post so many times since I’ve been back from my trip to Pittsburgh to reunite with my sister. There’s just so much to process, sift, and curate. What should I say and what should I keep private? One thing I know for certain is that spending time with her was the most profound experience of my 2012. As mentioned previously and numerously on my blog, it’s been 17 years since we last saw each other. She found me on Facebook last year and we’ve been emailing off and on. She opened up her home to me and
We missed out on a lot in each other’s lives. I didn’t get to see her get married or meet my niece and nephew when they were babies. She didn’t get to see me graduate college or even high school for that matter. We never got to talk about boys or share clothes. (She’s tiny; the window to share clothes was a slim one!) I didn’t get to meet any of her boyfriends and she hasn’t met any of mine. We hardly have shared memories of growing up and being raised by the same people like many siblings do. We didn’t even really have a chance to bicker like siblings do!
What made this week with her and her family so profound was that we got to be late bloomers together. When she took me to the nearest H&M, she said out loud what I was thinking. “Wow, I get to shop with my sister! I’ve always wanted to shop with a sister.” We also cooked together, drank together, “danced” together (does “Just Dance” on Wii count?), and we even bickered! (She wouldn’t let me pay for anything!) As for the things that already happened that we missed out on? We told countless stories. All the stories, even the funny and happy ones, made my heart hurt because I wasn’t there for them. It really hurt to hear how much I missed, but as sad as I was, I was also so incredibly grateful that I was finally hearing about her life from her.
Most of all, I’m so grateful that she’s no longer a nebulous memory but someone who is very present in my life. I love my sis.