Category: lists

2011 in Review

December 29th, 2011 · · Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America, Bob, creative play, holidays, Houston, lists, love, memory, misadventures, silver screen, Stars of my Life, still-frames, the not so single life 29 comments - Tags: , , , , , , ,

I’ve posted yearly recaps since 2008. I’m a stickler for tradition so here’s my recap for 2011.

Previous years: 2008, 2009, 2010

I had a good year.

Note: All links open in a new window.

January

February

  • It snowed.
  • I didn’t see Alan often because of his work.
  • BDF (Best Dudie Friend) visited Austin! This ended up being the only time I saw him this year.
  • BDF surprised me with cookies. His note gets me Google search hits that make me a little sad.
  • Sent out Valentine cards and socks to my girlfriends.


    • Alan and I hanging out

March

  • Alan took me to my first NBA game, Heat vs. Spurs.
  • BFF had cake balls delivered to me at work.
  • My solemate (deliberate misspelling) visited Austin.
  • Went to Austin’s 2nd Annual Bacon Takedown.
  • Went to Sketchbook Project 2011 tour stop in Austin.
  • Hosted my first giveaway on the blog.
  • Attended a free screening and Q&A with director of Meaning of Tea, a fantastic documentary about tea. Really!
  • Alan and I had a two part dinner to celebrate our three year anniversary at Haddington’s and Uchiko (my favorite restaurant).
  • Attended Austin Food Blogger’s Alliance Launch Party and applied for membership.
  • March was a turning point in my life. I faced myself in therapy. I’m still reaping the benefits.


    • At Sketchbook Project event

April

May

  • I got bangs impulsively, changing my do for the first time in 5 years.
  • Took a canoe trip with coworkers, facing a handful of irrational fears very reluctantly. Obviously, I survived.
  • I participated in Leo’s Habit Course and developed a palate for vegetables by eating one serving a day for 30 days.
  • Flew to Boston to see BFF. We drove to New Hampshire, Vermont, and Rhode Island, all three were states I’ve never visited.
  • Read 8 books this month.
  • Totes Awesome Channel was founded.


June

  • Went home to Houston for Father’s Day.
  • Rolled down a hill inside of a ball.
  • I hit a boulder with my car. I always hit non-moving objects. Anyway, this was the start of a chain of bumper problems during the rest of the year.
  • I hemmed my first dress! As part of my new year’s resolutions, I wanted to do 10 learning tasks with sewing. This was my first major lesson.
  • Went to third Annual Cupcake Smackdown

July

  • Met Ashley D, Ashley, and Nicole of Totes Awesome Channel and recorded a vlog.
  • Celebrated my 28th birthday simply with a dinner with Alan and then a movie and drinks with friends.
  • Made my favorite video: 28 Life Lessons from 28 People (for my 28th birthday).
  • I caught up to 2007 and got my first smart phone!
  • My friend, Naz surprised me with a vlog from my dad.
  • I got really cozy with Tennessee Williams and his movies. Cat on Hot Tin Roof is excellent!


    • Celebrating my birthday

August

  • Successfully completed VEDA despite being out of town twice and moving!
  • Met up Hillary and Alex in Dallas for our second girls’ weekend of the year.
  • Moved in with Alan.
  • Used my passport for the first time since renewing it 2007. Alan and I took a vacation to Vancouver, Canada, my new favorite city.
  • Saw the bats in Austin for the first time.


    • In front of the Vancouver Aquarium

September

October

November

  • Posted a blog post everyday in November.
  • Ran two blocks of a 5k for Race for the Cure and raised 460 dollars. Thanks to a lot of you!
  • Went to Texas Renaissance Festival with Brandi and Jessica. It was our third year going and we decided to only do new things. We threw knives, shot bow and arrows, and had our face painted. It was the first time I’ve ever had my face painted!
  • Had my second blogger date with Treavor.
  • Attended a We Are Girls conference with my little. It was incredibly insightful.
  • Had a Thanksgiving picnic with friends at the park. We threw a whole cooler’s worth of ice cubes into an enormous fountain, to create ripples, to help push a soccer ball to a sad toddler across the fountain. We were successful.
  • Had a progressive meal day with Kim, Thomas, and friends.
  • During breaks between eats, we made paper cranes for Kim’s tree.
  • My bumper nearly killed Kim and me and got us murdered in the woods.
  • Made our sparkly tattoos dance.


December

  • I decide to like Christmas. I discovered it took more energy disliking it than it does to give into the cheer.
  • Partcipated in Austin Food Blogger’s food swap.
  • I was without a car the whole time I was in Houston for Christmas (the bumper needed to be replaced) and was touched to have friends pick me up for dates.
  • Sewed couch pillows with help from mom.
  • Hosting a “Never Have We Ever” dinner party tonight. Post to come!


    • Bob hanging out with snowman

In writing this post, I realized this year was really sweet for relationships. It may have a lot to do with my prioritizing close friends over acquaintances and then learning to set boundaries. Recently, I’ve been in a funk about not having a life’s calling but I have to say, I’m really content with my tribe. Word on the street is that it’s the relationships that really matter.

Wishing you a terrific end of year celebration! Lots of love!


Question: What happened this year with you?

31 Stress Busters

November 20th, 2011 · · lists, National Blog Posting Month '11, pursuit of happiness 14 comments - Tags:

Last weekend, Barb Steinberg, LMSW lead a workshop on how to empower girls. One of the ways she mentioned was to have them make a list of “stress busters.” Stress busters are things you do to relax and self soothe. And even though the workshop was catered to young girls, having a tool box of things that calm and relax you is a life skill everyone should have. In an effort to remind myself to take time out, here’s my list of stress busters.


31 Stress Busters



photo credit

  1. Reading
  2. Cuddling
  3. Dancing
  4. Preening
  5. Taking bubble baths
  6. Taking hot showers
  7. Baking
  8. Journaling
  9. Dancing
  10. Playing with pets
  11. Playing with children
  12. Decluttering
  13. Exercising
  14. Cleaning
  15. Connecting with friends
  16. Breathing
  17. Performing random acts of kindness
  18. Watching favorite TV shows
  19. Saying no when feeling overextended
  20. Saying yes to only the things I truly want to do
  21. Paying down debt
  22. Creating something (even if it’s just a napkin doodle!)
  23. Meal planning to reduce amount of money and time spent at grocery stores
  24. Getting enough sleep
  25. Staying hydrated
  26. Treating myself
  27. Admiring scenery (e.g.: look up at the clouds, notice the sunset, appreciate the beauty of flowers)
  28. Getting the hard action items off my to do list first
  29. Dating myself (e.g.: solo trips to movies, restaurants, and museums)
  30. Laughing
  31. Sipping on a warm beverage


Question: What’s on your list of stress busters?

Never Have I Ever

November 13th, 2011 · · lists, National Blog Posting Month '11 14 comments

Never Have I Ever:

  • Gone skinny dipping

  • Eaten live octopus

  • Toured Asia

  • Toured Spain

  • Toured Ireland

  • Toured Germany

  • Toured Italy

  • Toured France

  • Gone on a cruise

  • Bought a home

  • Visited Vietnam with dad

  • Gone bungee jumping

  • Written a novel

  • Made my own pizza dough

  • Visited all the states

  • Changed a flat

  • Jumped a car

  • Sew anything I could wear

  • Eaten horse sashimi

  • Solve a Rubik’s Cube

  • Written a novel

  • Crocheted

  • Cooked a whole chicken or turkey

  • Swam with dolphins

  • Seen salmon swim upstream

  • Built a fort as an adult

  • Grown herbs on my balcony

  • Develop a product

  • Seen Avenue Q

  • Gone Zip Lining

  • Met any of my nieces or nephews

Never have I ever done these things but I am definitely scheming!


Question: What are some things you haven’t ever done?

Post inspired by Stephany Writes.

28 Life Lessons from 28 People [Video]

July 28th, 2011 · · Birthdays, guest posts, lists, pursuit of happiness 37 comments - Tags: , ,

I’m 28 years old today.

Last year on my birthday, I shared with you, 27 Life Lessons I Learned by the Age of 27. This year, on my 28th birthday, I present to you, 28 Life Lessons from 28 People. I hope you makes you smile and laugh like it did me.

Many many thanks to my sweet friends who took time out of their schedules to record their tokens of wisdom. I had more than 28 submissions, so thank you to Kym, Davey, Valerie, Will, Rogue, and Thomas for their contributions. They’re not in the video but may have inspired me to make a sequel soon.


Youtube link
 
P.S. Even after Alan and I proofed the video a dozen times, the subtitle for the Chinese at 3:53 was tagged on the wrong person. Deepest apologies for the confusion.

If you cannot view the video, you can find transcription and credits below.

  1. Always have a can of Raid handy. – Naz

  2. My bit of advice: Take care of your feet. – Mef

  3. It’s okay to act like a kid. Wee wee wee! – Alyssa

  4. A healthy person works out 3 times a week. – Tony

  5. Learn to cook or find someone who does. – Suki (Twitter)

  6. So going forward in your life, it’s very crucial that you listen to yourself and don’t give two craps about what other people think about you. Do your thing and do it for why you do it. And enjoy it. – Treavor (Twitter) (Youtube)

  7. You should listen to both sides of a story. – Ali

  8. By Robert Frost: In three words I can sum up life: it goes on. – Abby

  9. You know when you’ve done something excellent. Don’t ever let anybody else take you down a peg and tell you that what you’ve done is substandard. – Nic (Twitter) (Youtube)

  10. To quote Maya Angelou, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. (Not the 39th time) – Kim

  11. The saying is, “Ignorance is bliss.” I don’t think ignorance is bliss. Holding the truth to make them happy, can only make you unhappy in the end. – Adam (Twitter)

  12. Everything looks and feels better after a good night of sleep. So sleep, dammnit. – Nicole (Twitter)

  13. Never skip out on breakfast. It helps increase your energy level and metabolism. – Alan

  14. Enjoy your day. Take time out and enjoy your day. You’re going to have bad days, don’t get me wrong. I have bad days, I mean, this hair for one. But if you try not to worry about the little things and just go into today and have the BEST day you can possibly have, I think your life is going to ultimately be that much better. – Ian (Youtube)

  15. My momma always says the only thing that matters is people. – Andrew

  16. One life changing lesson I recently learned, is acceptance. When I started to accept that every person, thing, and situation is exactly the way it’s supposed to be at this moment, I was able to let go of my tight grip of the world and become a happier person. – Brandi

  17. If you’re on a flight of stairs, keep your hands out of your pockets. If you’re clumsy like me, you’ll end up in the ER with 6 stitches. – Cindy (Twitter)

  18. Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly. For example, I can’t sing, but I do it anyway. – Michael

  19. The only thing that you can control is your training; you have no control over your opponent. – Deesh

  20. The one thing my parents have always taught me, was balance. Balance yourself physically, mentally, and spirtually. -Thinh

  21. If you have to take a poo and a shower. Make sure you poo before you shower. – Sae

  22. If I were to give you some advice, I would say that if you ever plan on picking your nose, try not to pick your nose after eating some Flaming Hot Cheetos. – Willis

  23. Never talk while you’re eating because that’s just rude. – Jason

  24. Chocolate is always the answer. – Monica

  25. Don’t be afraid to satisfy your sweet tooth. – Karen

  26. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. – Elisa

  27. (Translated) Learn a foreign language – Bing

  28. The best way to make sure you have a great day is make sure your day has 4 elements: Novelty, Beauty, Growth, and Love. If you get those four things everyday, you’ll probably have a good time. – Neville

Ten Reasons Why I Feel Out of Sorts

June 28th, 2011 · · lists, pursuit of happiness, quotations, the grind, the not so single life, wanderlust 39 comments

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves,
like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.
Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke


 

 

  1. I’ve been sick since Saturday. Complete with fever and three days of the sweats and shivers. It not only has ruined my weekend but I can’t stop hacking.

  2. I haven’t kissed Alan in about three weeks. First he was sick, and now I’m sick.

  3. I don’t know where I’m living come August. In a week it’ll be a month from move-out date. I’m moving in with Alan. We only started looking last weekend. We can look again this weekend for places, but next weekend I won’t even be in town.

  4. I turn 28 in exactly a month.

  5. I don’t know how much my new bumper will cost me. I’m taking it to a body shop in Houston next weekend.

  6. I haven’t had coffee in 4 days.

  7. A trip to Canada is suddenly a strong possibility and real soon. Not knowing when and when to ask off is throwing me off.

  8. There’s a lot going on in the upcoming weekends that are inherently fun. Hello? A mini girl’s trip to Dallas? Meeting some Totes Awesome Channel vloggers? Going to Canada? Turning 28? Celebrating mom’s birthday? Moving in with a boyfriend for the first time? It’s just the back to back weekends that are overwhelming me. I have to constantly remind myself that the anxiety comes from juggling very good things.

  9. Not having a spending plan in place for the second half of the year. Without knowing what my rent will look like or how much a dog will cost us, I have no idea what the paycheck breakdown will look like. Oh yes, we’re looking at dogs too.

  10. I haven’t been saving for at least 3 months. I’m such an automatic saver but with car troubles this year and a fun trip to Boston, I haven’t been putting anything in the savings account. This makes me feel a little wonky.


Question: What helps you when you feel wonky?

25 Life Lessons From Dad

June 20th, 2011 · · lists, love, pursuit of happiness, Stars of my Life 28 comments - Tags: ,

I celebrated Father’s Day by having dim sum with my dad yesterday morning. I thought I’d pay public tribute to him with this list of 25 life lessons he has taught me.

  1. If you don’t know something, don’t be shy to ask questions.

  2. You’re extremely lucky if you have one true friend to last you through life.

  3. Nothing lasts. Spouses will die.

  4. Don’t cry about people who don’t cry about you.

  5. People are not their jobs.

  6. There’s a lot to learn. Don’t be smug.

  7. Don’t fixate on the things that are out of your control.

  8. Books are friends.

  9. The human spirit is resilient, capable of withstanding war and loss.

  10. Persistence solves problems.

  11. Improvising solves problems.

  12. When you lose everything, start over.

  13. When you fail, start over.

  14. Pay your credit card bill in full every month.

  15. Don’t rush. Walk at a leisurely pace. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s.

  16. Sometimes we forget to breathe. Breathe.

  17. Don’t take for granted your mother’s love. Endure the nagging. It’s evidence of motherly love. (He grew up without a mom.)

  18. Protect your family.

  19. People’s perception of you doesn’t change who you are.

  20. Not everyone will feel and think the same way as you. Remember this when you’re angry or hurt.

  21. Marvel at small things.

  22. A good education should be prioritized over having your own room, having a nice car, going on nice vacations, having awesome toys, having a nice house, and many other things.

  23. Things can always be a lot worse. Be grateful for what you have.

  24. Be fearless. (He’s pushed for me to be fearless numerously in regards to bugs and snakes and toxic relationships.)

  25. Take care of and pride in what you have.

Happy Father’s Day to all the loving fathers and father figures out there!

2011 Resolutions Progress Report

May 31st, 2011 · · lists, resolutions 2011 19 comments - Tags:


photo credit


Personal Finance

  • Reach $2,000 in my Vietnam fund. As of today, the balance is $1,161.76. I’m at 58% completion.
     
  • Max out my Roth IRA. As of today, I contributed $475 for 2011. Uh, only at 9.5% completion. No change since last report. Broker will no longer let me do online transfers, making depositing funds extremely inconvenient. I think I may write a big check sometime after the end of summer.
     
  • Make $3,000 extra income outside my full-time job. As of today I’m at $710.40. I’m at 23.68% completion.
     


Leisure

  • Complete 10 sewing learning tasks. 1/10.
     
  • Publish three food blogs a week. I did horribly all year. The last two weeks were the only two weeks I met goal. I’ve been upping my Vietnam goal by 10 dollars for each week missed.
     
  • Try out 10 Vietnamese recipes. 1/10. Made Pate Chaud.
     
  • Try 10 slow cook recipes. 1/10. No change since last progress report.
     
  • Visit two new states. Visited three new states!
     
  • Have a new experience once a week. Still going strong. This week’s will involve being strapped inside a plastic ball and then pushed down a hill. Seriously.
     
  • Visit best friend in Boston.
     
  • Take a trip with Alan. I’m wondering if this will happen in light of work and some personal alternate plans.
     
  • Leave the country. No progress.
     
  • Read 40 books. 18/40.
     


Relationships and Well-Being

  • Drink 24 oz of water everyday. So far so good!
     
  • Have an active date with a friend twice a month. Have been exceeding twice a month!
     
  • Donate to every sponsorship for charity my friends take part in. So far, so good. Donated to my high school.
     
  • Start a shared gratitude journal with my little from Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America. Bought the journal but haven’t started.
     
  • Run a 5K for charity. In November!
     


Questions: What’s something you plan on doing in 2011? What’s your progress?

Friday 7 Quick Takes (vol 44)

May 27th, 2011 · · 7 Quick Takes (Fridays), lists, new thing(s) of the week, pursuit of happiness, resolutions 2011 17 comments - Tags: ,


1.

See Treavor’s tweet above. Since that tweet, there have been 16 more tweets and 100 emails all in preparation for the launch of Totes Awesome Channel, a collab Youtube channel I’ll be sharing with Ashley, AshleyD, Bri and Nicole. We go live on Monday, so subscribe and stay tuned!


2.

I’ve kicked up my reading rate during the month of May. From January to April, I only finished 10 books. This month so far, I’ve read 7 books. I might push through Salinger’s Franny and Zooey and make it 8.


3.

This was a glorious month. I read more than I’ve done the whole year. I knocked off three new states during my visit with BFF in Boston. There were many visiting friends from out of state and even a mini TV shoot. For the first time in the year, I managed to honor my goal of posting on my food blog 3 times a week. I did this not once but twice (last week and this week)! Ah yes. I will remember May 2011 very fondly.


4.

Oprah is no longer on air. I may have emailed her fan mail yesterday. :(


5.

This is where I ate dinner last night with Brittany. Sometimes we have very romantic dinners.


 

Read more about the place here.


6.


Saw Hangover 2 opening night. If you’ve seen the first one, it’s pretty much the same plot-line. Only with more penises. I would save the money and wait for DVD release.


7.

This week’s moments of bliss: ♥ scheming with awesome bloggers ♥ free dessert ♥ pretty lightning storms ♥ juicy scallops ♥ re-watching Ally McBeal simultaneously with BFF in our different corners of the country ♥ showing up at the movies and inadvertently matching bright bold shades of turquoise with Alan ♥ scheduled TV time with Brandi ♥ girl date with Brittany ♥ mango lassi


Questions: How are you spending your 3 day Memorial weekend?

7 Life Lessons Learned While Eating Vegetables

May 26th, 2011 · · lists, pursuit of happiness 18 comments - Tags: , ,

I’ve never attempted to start a good habit in such a structured and daily manner. For the past thirty days, I attempted to eat one serving of vegetables everyday in an attempt to start a new habit. It never dawned on me that the experience would be an enlightening experience. I predicted that I would just gain a reluctant but dutiful relationship with vegetables. (The same kind of relationship I have with cleaning house and paying bills.) Surprisingly though, the project cemented a few life lessons. Let me share with you 7 life lessons I learned while eating vegetables.

  1. Positive change begets more positive changes. There was a ripple effect that took place that affected my other bad habits. I worked out more and was more open to fruit.
     
  2. Planning ahead and prep work is conducive to positive change. I had a better success rate when I bought vegetables ahead of time and planned out my vegetable intake at least a day ahead than I did winging it.
     
  3. Sometimes I perceive tasks as more difficult than they actually are. Previously, I thought vegetables and I cannot jive. That isn’t true at all! I was just too lazy to start changing so I leaned on false assumptions to justify my lack of action.
     
  4. Filling up on the good stuff, leaves less room for the bad stuff. I have a chronic addiction to chips. I often even eat it for breakfast. I found that the more vegetables I ate, the less I craved and ate chips. Maybe this is how life works in general. Having good people in your life, leaves less room for the bad people. Doing good things with your time, leaves less time to do bad things.
     
  5. There will be backsliding in the pursuit for self-improvement. All you need to do is start over right away.
     
  6. Frequent repetition solidifies a new habit. A habit is defined by the act of doing something routinely. To create a habit, repeat, repeat, repeat.
     
  7. Recruit help from loved ones. I told my best friend about my goal and asked for her help to keep me on track. It was as if she was my sponsor in “I Never Eat Vegetables” Anonymous, and everyday I’d talk to her and tell her what my plans were for vegetables. When attempting to change something about your life, reach out to your loved ones and tell them how they can help you. Be specific. If you are trying to save money and have a shopping addiction, ask your friends not to invite you to places anywhere near a shopping center. If you are trying to be less sedentary, ask your friends to remember you when they do something active.
     


Question: What was the last good thing you did for yourself?

30 Days of Vegetables, Part 3

May 25th, 2011 · · lists, pursuit of happiness 15 comments - Tags: ,

Yesterday was the last day in my 30 Days of Vegetables project. I mark this occasion with the last of my 30 day diary and tomorrow a wrap-up list post.

If you missed it and have no idea what I’m talking about, check out these two entries: Part 1,
Part 2.


Day 21:

Chinese broccoli as part of a huge dim sum feast at Winsor Dim Sum Cafe in Boston.

Day 22:

I followed up a fun trip to H&M in Boston with Shabu Zen (I blogged about it 2 years ago the last time I was in Boston). This time I was a more willing participant of the vegetables. As mentioned in part 2, I used to steer clear from vegetables all together, but now that I’m seeking them out, I’m learning that cooked veggies in delicious spicy broth is much more appetizing than a raw salad.


The Veggie Delight plate at Shabu Zen

Day 23:

Breakfast pizza had roasted bell peppers and onions from Flour in Boston. Full day of flying meant rest of the day’s diet was subject to airport menus.

Day 24:

First day at work, didn’t pack a lunch. (Got into town at 11pm the night before.) I had Chipotle burrito bowl with lettuce.

Day 25:

Again with the Chipotle. I am beginning to feel guilty. The sour cream, buttery rice, and cheese can make one bowl about 1500 calories. (I know this because I used to ironically do weight loss counseling at my previous job.) In college I used to order 3 with my then boyfriend and we both would eat 1.5 Chipotle burritos in one sitting. He was an aspiring football player who worked out up to 3 hours a day. Me? I had no excuse, just a ridiculously high metabolism.

Anyway, the point is. I am starting to feel guilty and for the first time in my long history with Chipotle, I added black beans for extra health and ate only half a burrito bowl. Big victory, me stopping at half!

Day 26:

The other half of the burrito bowl. I see the detriment of not preparing and planning my work lunches the Sunday night before the work week. I succumb to fast food and eating a bit of fast food makes me want more fast food.

I might have added an order of Wendy’s chicken nuggets to my Chipotle.

Don’t look at me like that.

I nibbled on grilled bell peppers and onions as part of shrimp skewers for dinner.

Day 27:

I had a full day ahead which included a graduation and then a possible TV appearance for an episode of Eat St. (as mentioned in previous blog entry) at a food trailer called Pig Vicious. Pig. Vicious. Lots of bacon and grease in my day’s plan and so I dumped a whole tomato (sliced) into my Korean Ramen for lunch.

Again, don’t look at me like that.

Day 28:

I ate a horribly big and unhealthy breakfast at Juan in a Million. Made me feel guilty so I scheduled a work out with Brandi. I brought over a batch of kale to make into chips. We baked these chips before hitting the gym for 45 minutes. I packed a serving for tomorrow’s vegetables.

Day 29:

Semi-fail. The kale chips tasted plasticy today. So I had two mangoes with my Wendy’s chicken nuggets. Fruits are like cousins to Vegetables. So, we good.

Day 30:

Went to O’s, an overpriced campus cafe, for half a Greek salad to complement the spaghetti I pulled from my freezer. It was refreshing. I love the bits of arugula, olives, feta cheese, and chickpeas.


Notes

What hurt me towards the last few days is not going to the grocery store and buying vegetables. I work at a university where our eats mostly consists of cheap fast food. Being as I overextended my budget (did I tell you I’m going month to month on my rent starting this month and it goes up 200 dollars?) with the traveling and socializing, I settled for Chipotle and Wendy’s for lunches, and Starbucks and Burger King for breakfasts. Had I taken time to go to the store like I did before my trip to Boston, it would have been much healthier and easier.

Tomorrow, I’ll share with you my final thoughts on this project. See you then!


Questions: What is one unhealthy habit that you have? What is keeping you from changing this habit?