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100 Dollars at JORD Giveaway!

When JORD reached out to me to see if I’d like to host a $100 giveaway to use towards one of their beautiful wood watches, I couldn’t resist. I’ve been in the market for a watch. I was using my smartphone as my only grasp on time when I was on the go. It’s time for me to grow up, and this beautiful piece suited me! They gifted me the Frankie 35 watch so I could personally vouch for the quality. Each wood watch comes in a keepsake wood box with a finishing oil pen to help maintain the wood finish of your band. It would make a lovely gift to yourself or your Valentine!

Enter the giveaway through this link. One lucky person will win $100 dollars towards a watch and everyone will receive a consolation code worth $25 once the contest ends!

Contest is open between now and tomorrow (February 9) at midnight CST!

The Ugly Things That Happen to Us

Recently, I was talking to a friend about an ugly thing that happened to her. She wanted to know if she should tell someone in her life about it. I did my best to advise her without pushing her one way or another. I gave her a decision tree. If she thinks sharing this will bring them closer together and that’s what she wants, yes. If she wants to let her friend experience her more fully, yes. If she doesn’t think she can handle a disappointing reaction from her friend, no. I gave her a handful more scenarios for this decision tree. At this point in my friendship with her, we had already exchanged stories. I had told her about the ugliest thing that happened to me. The emotional scar that no one can visibly see on my body. I told her that it took me two decades to fully process it and I had to do it in stages with a lot of breaks. I told her that now I tell my story if others tell me theirs and I can sense they’re feeling isolated and alone. I told her that I plan on telling my story if I find myself regressing to that time in my life because I’m being triggered by someone I want to keep in my life.

I told her all this to remind her that the emotional scars from the ugly things that happen to her in life are part of her story. So now I’m telling you. That ugly thing that happened to you? It shapes you. You can share it as a tool for intimacy. You can share it as a tool for self-discovery. You can not share it for preservation. You can share it to be heard. It’s yours and you can do whatever you want with it. Whatever happened was inexplicably ugly but you are beautiful. And if the people you share it with try to make that ugly thing your fault or don’t receive it in a way where you feel supported, it doesn’t change that you are beautiful. It just might mean that they’re not your people. And the fuck with them.

“Moan like you’re 8 tons and all warted and barnacle looking.”

Nov 14 (4 days ago)

to me

I am happy for you and a little jealous. It seems like you’re pursuing all the stuff that I’ve been too afraid to do for the past…forever. I have been entertaining the idea of throwing all my shit out and being free from it. Free to move wherever, whenever. And I saw your post and your changes and facing your fears and I am reminded of how awesome you are and how inspiring you will always be.

Nov 14 (4 days ago)
to Brittany

I don’t really feel inspire-y. I’ve been feeling very messy and sobby and frantic. I’m probably pursuing these scary things as a way to distract myself from feeling sad. I should call you one day and make the sound I make every day when I drive to work. It sounds like a dying whale. And that’s just how I feel.

BACK TO PACKING. Movers come Saturday morning bright and early which means I only have tonight and tomorrow night. Cue panic.

Nov 14 (4 days ago)
to me

It doesn’t matter why you’re doing the scary things in life. The point is that you’re doing them. I often cope by eating copious amounts of transfats. Your way seems much healthier, physically and mentally. So don’t discredit it. The whale noises will morph into dolphin sounds. And then the cackling of seagulls. Actually, the last part seems like a backslide, but you know. The good parts give us hope, and the hard parts give us the strength and tools to ensure longer periods of the pleasant.

Feel stressed. Feel lonely. Moan like you’re 8 tons and all warted and barnacle looking. It’s hard to break from the status quo. But at least it means your life won’t always be what it once was.


A couple of weeks ago, I took Bob on a spontaneous walk to a scenic overlook called Mount Bonnell. We happened across an elaborate proposal of strangers. I sat down with Bob and was struck by how starkly it juxtaposed where I was in life. Later that same night, I ended my almost six year relationship to Alan. To stumble on a proposal a couple hours before felt like a punch in the gut. Breaking up with him is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and it’s confusing to me how something I know is the best for both of us can hurt this much.

Yesterday, I moved out. And the heaviness of my decision to divorce myself from a life I thought I’d be living for the rest of my days is weighing down on my chest. I have six years of memories to dull down and compartmentalize. I have to let go of the dreams I harbored for our future. And in the place of these dead dreams, lives this void called the unknown. So on top of the grieving and the pain of a broken heart, there’s the worry, “what will become of all this?” and I’m an absolute mess.

Gift Idea: Balls in a Box

For my 30th last week, my friends and I had a potluck party where you bring food in the shape of balls. It was fun and I love how creative my friends were. They proved that the possibilities for ball shaped food are endless! My friend Jennifer who lives in Seattle took that as the inspiration for her fun and hilarious gift to me. She even paired each ball with a worthy life goal. And you know how I love my goals.

Coming Back From Vacation is Sobering

Coming back from a long weekend is really sobering. There’s a lot of cleaning to do be done. I could have done it since I arrived back into Austin in the evening but instead, I got sucked into Netflix’s streaming of Gossip Girl. Netflix knows what its doing with the automatic start of the next episode. There is no groceries in the fridge yet, ten minutes til midnight and before I miss the National Blog Posting Month post, luggage to be unpacked, and an early morning looming.

This is a stark contrast from the fantastic weekend I just had. Excuse me as I get my bearings.

A photo from the weekend taken by Thomas Chen.

I’m Glad You Exist


The photo may be old but it’s still true!

Gratitude is my favorite gateway to happiness which makes me a fan of the spirit of Thanksgiving.

I’m blogging from my phone which is really difficult for me so I’m keep this short. Hope you all get to spend this holiday with people you love. My list of things to be grateful for have pretty much stayed consistent through the years.

100 Things I’m Thankful For (2010)


I stumbled on this video on the Internet today. I loved it so much and would like to show my 13 year old little from Big Brothers Big Sisters.

Youtube Link

This video also got me thinking about questions in general. They’re so powerful.

A friend of mine called recently because she was witnessing someone close to her do something very harmful. She told me she yelled at her friend and cannot believe that this person is so self-destructive. I reminded her that most people don’t like being told what to do. Especially if it’s something that is already inherently scary. Change is scary, even if it’s good change. Compound that with someone telling you what you should do, resistance to change will probably grow. She asked me how I would try to influence this person toward a healthier life style. I told her I would probably ask a lot of questions. When someone answers a tough question honestly, he or she has to actually be introspective. It’s hard to hide when you answer a question.

“Why are you doing this?” “Does it make you feel good?” “What are you scared of?” “Is this helping you?” “What’s keeping you from stopping a certain behavior?” “How would you feel if someone close to you were doing this?”

Questions is a form of therapy! Asking yourself really hard questions and then looking inward for the answers. Questions is also an essential step in knowledge. If you don’t understand something at work or in school, you ask questions. Questions is how you make friends. People like to feel like you’re interested in them and their lives. You show interest by asking questions. You gain a friend when people share parts of themselves.

I dig questions.

Questions: If you could ask anyone anything, whom would you ask and what would you ask?


Tonight my old workplace hosted a leaving party for me at a bowling alley. I was going to go home and share my thoughts on bowling along with a dancing video but now we are on the way to a bar for old time’s sake.

I know I will get twitchy for missing a day of National Blog Posting Month, so here I am blogging for the first time from my phone.